Nitrogen Narcosis

WTF

2009-03-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

You ever had one of those lives.
I don't want to do shit and that includes shitting
I don't want to work
I don't want to be home
I don't want to read
I don't want to be on the computer
I don't want to work out (but I'm forcing myself to do so)
I don't want to watch TV
I don't want to eat
I don't want to starve
I don't want to go for a walk
I don't want to sit on my ass
I don't want to go for a drive
And I sure don't want to drive my car into a concrete wall

So WTF do I want to do.
HELP with ideas.
Quick before I fade away.

A Favor

2009-02-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's been awhile since I posted.
I'd like to ask the whole blogger community to please either pray to whatever higher power you believe in, or keep in your thoughts my co-worker.
Her name is Tammy (www.tbarnesupdate.blogspot.com)
2 years ago she had a double lung transplant, and now she is in the hospital, with cronic rejection.
Tammy is one of those truely wonderful people that we sometimes get a chance to have grace our lives.
She is always so upbeat and positive. She makes anyone she comes in contact with feel warm/fuzzy and loved.
She's a fighter too. I've never seen anyone tested as much as she has been and be able to smile and have such a positive attitude.
If anyone truly deserves a miracle it's the Tammy girl.

Thank you for your prayers and or good thoughts.

It tickles me

2009-01-27T09:04:00.001-08:00

So the husband unit and I went to get some chicken the other night. It was late, we were hungry and neither of us wanted to cook when we got home. Now most Chicken places around here are owned by either Koren's or Vietnamese so it's already a challenge to get the correct order across to them. So we finally with many hand signals and jumping up and down get our order in. We go over to sit down and wait, and the doors open and I kid you not in walks a family right out of deliverance. I was so looking for the banjo boy, and hoping I didn't get made dinner at the same time.

It tickled me to watch them with their very hard texas/redneck accents trying to communicate with the workers in the chicken place. The workers are looking at them like who the fuck let you out in public, the family is looking at the workers like they were food themselves.

Well nobody human got eaten, the husband unit and I got our food and was heading out the door and I see the little delivery boy grab a big chicken order and hide it under his coat. (it's like 78 degrees outside why is he wearing a coat) Of course I had to follow

He is stalking down the side walk looking like Dick Dasterly from the cartoons. He gets to a door and looks around, and sneaks in the door. I look up and it's a dominos pizza place. I started laughing saying no he just didn't sneak into the dominos with chicken. About 2 minutes later he comes running top speed out of dominos, carrying 3 pizza boxes. He tears into the chicken place and runs to where the cooks are, Of course I had to look in the window and they are all scarfing pizza down as fast as they can chew.

I don't know why but I found this to be quite funny.

On the work out front. Last Tuesday I swam 1500 yards (that's alot for those not in the know) Then that night I did 20 minutes on the elipitical.
Wednesday I lifted weights then did 25 minutes on the elipitical that night.
Thursday Swam another 1500 yards, that night 25 minutes on the elipitical
Took Friday off. Lifted weights on Saturday, Did 40 minutes on the treadmill on Sunday Took Monday off, did 42 minutes on the treadmill today. Still trying to eat good as well.

Anyway it's ice raining here so I have to leave for work 2 hours early. I don't get the option of taking a day off for weather. Emergency Services and all. Wish me luck I don't have a traffic accident.

Happy Tuesday All

I have no idea what to blog about

2009-01-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not pregnant.
I have not won the lottery.
I have not planned my 5 year long around the world scuba diving trip.
I have not gone to prison or even jail.
I have not got a speeding ticket.
I have not wrecked my car.

So what does one blog about when one has a boring life.
I did drop my earring in the sink and it went down the drain this morning. Pissed me off I wanted to wear that earring today.
I did get pooped on by my baby bird. Did you know Macaws have huge shits and they pretty much cover your back. No...well now you know.
I did open the scuba shop this morning. The owner's mother passed away, and the man who has been running it couldn't make it right at noon. I've been incognito for several months so thought I'd help out.
I do have to leave the scuba shop at 2:15 to go make real money. :-). NO not working as a hooker on the corner but at my real job. Sheesh. My after hours job is stripping and hooking, how many times do I have to tell you people that.
I do have to pee if anyone cares.
I do like Burfica's new side bar on her blog. I just can be bothered to do something with mine. Maybe I should see what fun things I could do if i wanted to.
The scuba elf is suppose to make me a new layout, but of course he hasn't yet. He's been busy with his job.

hmmmmm what else....
Oh last night my partner gets a 911 call from a lady who is screeching at the top of her lungs. Then she starts ranting about sending her husband to the market to get some weanies (hot dogs) and he spent 3 dollars on them. My partner asked her do you have a police, fire or medical emergency. Crazy lady says Whatever it takes to get someone out here. Then she says oh wait there is more. After the 3 dollar weanies he went to McDonalds and got me a hamburger which is rock hard. HE IS DOING THIS TO DRIVE ME CRAZY. Ummm news flash lady to late you are crazy. And yes she demanded to speak to a police officer. I sent the one that had pissed me off. See all you police officers you should never make your dispatcher upset. I'm just saying.

I've been sticking to my eating and work out plan. It seems to be working. I drink a protein shake in the morning, have a morning snack (a muffin, a special kay bar, a few crackers with low fat peanut butter, something like that.) I have a protein shake in the afternoon and a afternoon snack (same as morning snack) Then on work nights I have a lean cuisine dinner. At night if I'm hungry I have another snack.
I've been swimming (around a mile) Been walking on the tread mill (around 2 miles) just started on an elipitical machine at work (have no idea how far) that sucker in 16 minutes is a better work out then 40 minutes on the treadmill.
I've worked out everyday so far this week. yay me!

Okay I'm done boring you.
Happy Thursday everyone.

HAPPY 2009

2009-01-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

It's 9:48 in the morning. Sitting here thinking where the hell did 2008 go. Wow it's like it was here then it was gone.
Does anyone else feel that way?
What a topsy turvy year for everyone. From $5.00 a gallon gas, to gas dropping below $2.00.
History being made with a woman and a black man trying to win their parties nomination.
On one side our first black president, and if he hadn't been voted in our first female vice president. WOW!! to look back and say I was there for that history.
No matter weather you voted for Obama or not, he is going to be our president, so I will try to support him and help in my own little way to keep America the country that we all love living in.
In the new year, (I don't make resolutions, but this is what I'm going to try to do)
1. Keep showing my husband that I love him any way I can.
2. Staying close to Burfica and Gigantor and Kiddo because well she's been my sister her whole live and I LOVER her and the boys to death
3. Keep trying to improve in my career, because that's one of the little ways I can keep our country the place we want to be. To continue to try to help people that need help and to help put bad guys in jail. Hopefully to just make a difference in some lives.
4. To get my butt back into shape. I've been lazy and using my back and knees as an excuse to not get off my lazy ass and work out. I've started 4 days ago and so far so good.

I may be using this blog sometimes as a list of what I did wrong or right, we all need to be held accountable for ourselves, and sometimes it helps to put it all out there.

and 5. To try to be better about posting on my blog and continuing to cement my relationships with my special blogger family that I tend to ignore way to much.
You are all special and when you comment it makes my day a little brighter, so thank you and know that I do care about you all.

Happy New Year Family

Oh just a note, On Dec 30th one of my police officers had a terrible thing happen. Some stupid punk set a fire in his neighbors pasture, the wind caught the fire pushing it into the officers home, burning it to the ground, the officer got out unhurt, with only the cloths on his back, his gun belt and was able to drive his truck out of the garage. The house burnt to the ground, and he lost everything. Thankfully he wasn't hurt. But to lose everything right before the new year and when you are so very close to retirement, and because of some arson punk. Please keep him in your thoughts. I've already started a big box of items, and the EPOA (our peace officers association) is starting up a donation program. Thanks for keeping my officer in your thoughts.

Holy Cold Nipples Batman

2008-12-16T21:50:00.001-08:00

.....it's Texas, why is it 10 frigging degrees with the wind chill. It was 76 on Sunday, yesterday is was 26, today 31. That's before the wind chill. BRRRRRRRRRRR
I hate the cold hate hate hate it.

I'm one of those people that can't drive in ice and snow. But what sets me apart from most everyone else is I'm smart enough to admit it and get on the freeway doing 60 cuz I THINK I can drive in the stuff. I'm the one on the back roads going as slow as I need to. The dumb asses who do the stupid shit have big accidents, then I just have to breath and say, assholes are job security, ass holes are job security.

The husband unit is in the Christmas mood. He's listening to Christmas Carols right now. You know all the classics. Porky Pigs Christmas song, Grandma got run over by a beer truck, and that all time award winning song, by the fire drinking hot cocoa put me in the Christmas mood---I farted on Santa Claus.
I'm not kidding these are the songs he is listening to right now.

The dogs get to go to the vet for their Christmas present. Casper needs his anal glands done. (great visual huh) a rabies shot and I'm gonna put him on some arthritis medicine. Poor old guy is really stiff specially in this cold weather.
Zeus needs a rabies shot and he's got a sore on his front leg that he's been licking raw. Arughhhhh!!! But they need to go. I can't stand people that get pets then aren't willing to spend the money to take care of them..

So is everyone ready for the holidays. I still have to finish shopping for the elf. But I have Burfica, Gigantor, Kiddo and Captain Daddy's stuff all mailed. I even wrapped it this year. Some years I send it to Burf and say oh by the way only yours are wrapped you'll need to do everyone elses, but cuz she's the bestest sissy in the world she does it for me.

Have a great Wednesday everyone.
Safe travels and happy times

So Why Is It

2008-12-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

So why is it when a man, especially a man you live with, eats something it always comes out his ass smelling like he ate road kill, RAW?

So why is it when you are looking at your sleeping rotweiller, and you see his butt hole open and a small pffffing sound, you know to run, run very quickly before the toxic wave hits you?

So why is it no matter what time you go to the walmart (that was built right behind your damn house) and no matter how nice the neighborhood, you ALWAYS meet white trash sally with her 8 dirty faced, snot dripping children in tow? (This includes the 3 am trip to the Walmart)

So why is it when you go to the movies, no matter where you sit in the theater, you are always tracked down by the family who's child will either not quick kicking your seat, or has to scream and cry half the movie, or has to keep up a non stop chatter?

So why is it when you tell the parents of the above mentioned child to control their child, or you are going to kill it, and cut it into small pieces and stuff it in the popcorn bag, said parents act like you've committed this terrible act of not loving their kid like they do.

So why is it when you are driving down the street minding your own business, the little old lady with the blue hair always tries to be in the same lane as you are in, in the exact same spot you are in.

Just some random thoughts for the day
Happy Friday all, time to go get my hair cut. I'm trying to let it grow out and it's in that stage that I want to shave myself bald.

White Castle Vex

2008-11-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

So as some of you know the husband unit has a new job that has him either working from home or traveling.
Right now he is "cough cough" blessed with traveling to Sacramento CA on a regular basis.
Text is a good thing since our 2 schedules don't allow for lots of phone calls. So here is a text last Wednesday about White Castle

H.U. Hunni we rented a car and all of us are going to go eat at White Castle

Me. Oh fine, I like White Castle and you can't find one in Red Neck Texas where we live

H.U. I'll leave early Friday and get you some.

Me. Gross at cold white castle

H.U. Well we are at the White Castle Address and I can't find it

Me. I'm not suprised you can't find your way around the house. Please tell me you weren't navigating

H.U. of course I was navigating. I have my I-Phone with maps

Me. Well did you call them to ask them how to get you lost butt over there

H.U. They said it's across from the Furniture Store.

H.U. Well guess the hell what.

Me. What

H.U. I found a bar across from the furiture store and 10 years ago it used to be a white castle, so now I found this place called booyah steak house.

Me. Okay have a good dinner

H.U. Hunni guess what

Me. What

H.U. Booyah is now a bar too I guess we'll go to black angus or McDonalds

Poor guy

Thursday he spent the whole evening drunk texting me. Insisiting I call him when I get off work. He sends his last test saying CALL ME WHEN YOU GET OFF 30 seconds count em 30 seconds before I hit the dial button. No answer
I guess in that 30 seconds he passed smooth out. Woke up the next morning thinking where did I pass out the bed is really short and my feet hurt.
ha he passed out crosswise on the bed with his feet hanging over the edge all night.

I'm guessing there is not much to do in Sacramento.

Have a great weekend all I ditched work tonight and am sitting around in my jammies.

Random-a-ness

2008-11-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

...shut up it's my word and I like it. Random-a-ness ha ha ha

Can you believe it's not even been a month and I'm posting again. I must have a fever or something.

I hate Doctors. First she puts me on Welbuturn, not because I'm suicidal or anything, but because I feel tense and want to pick fights when I'm not on it. And I don't like feeling that way. So I've been taking 300 mg a day, and called to renew my perscription, the doctor says no. I'm like you are cutting me off cold turkey? The nurse is like we ain't seen you in a year so no we won't refill it or even give you any to last you until you can have an appt. So I ask what am I suppose to do in the mean time other than call my fucking lawyer you bitch. She goes I don't care. (Bitch)
So I'll see a PA and next week begin the search for a new Dr. Cuz I'm am the consumer damnit. PERIOD. (See I wanna pick fights more than usual)

I'm so sick the last two weeks, at work, hearing certain phrases.
Phrase 1: SHIT they just hit the wall and someone or 2 someones have been ejected from the vehicle
Phrase 2: I think he is dead
Phrase 3: Ut oh this one doesn't have a pulse
Phrase 4: I think I want to kill myself
Phrase 5: Damn that guy has a gun
Yup that's been my life the last couple of weeks. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my job and never want to do anything else until retirement. But sometimes when you get all the bad calls back to back day after day, it wears a body down.
Oh and my least favorite Phrase EVER, when answering 9-1-1 and hearing well it's not an emergency but I have a question. Come on people use 911 when you need it. PLEASE USE IT WHEN YOU NEED IT. But please look up the non emergency number of your city and any other cities you travel through on a regular basis and program them in your cell phone.
Use 911 for things like medical call (no matter what they are
Fires no matter what's on fire call 911
Fights (fist, weapons, domestic etc)
Drunk drivers
Traffic Accidents (if no one is hurt and you can get off the road non emergency is fine)
And any other Emergency
Please note, your truck that was stolen during the night (and yes I understand it's tramuatic cuz mine was stolen and I understand you paid 50 grand for it) is not an emergency, the guy dying of a heart attack on the other line is an emergency.
If it's in the process of being stolen right now, or someone is doing damage to property right now. Call 911. In progress stuff is always a 911 call. :-)

Okay that's my 911 rant

I go get my hair trimmed today. I look like a mop

Oh I got my new parrot her name is peanut. one of these days I will post photos of her. She is beautiful and she is a snuggle birdie.

All right I have to go kick the man unit in the butt cuz we needed to leave 2 minutes ago.

Happy Friday Everyone

Blindness

2008-10-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

.....that's what I wish I was when we went to see this movie.
OMG if you get a chance to go to the theater, pay money buy 40 dollars worth of popcorn, drinks and candy and go sit and watch this movie. RUNNNNNN RUN RUN RUN the other way. This is the worst movie I have seen in oh lets say about 20 years. GAG
The scuba elf and I love to go watch movies, it's one of our ways to relax since we both have high stress jobs. We will sometimes do a whole movie marathon day. Often times we drag along our best couple friends.
Yes they sat through this terrible movie with us. What friends. We of course bitched and moaned the whole time. It was like a train wreck. You kept thinking this is on the big screen it HAS to get better. HA joke was on us. It didn't.

Anyway that's my warning for the time being.

Can't wait till Twlight comes out. whooo hoooo

Happy Tuesday

United Airlines Sucks

2008-07-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

howdy, it's been awhile but life has been busy.
Just got back from visiting Burfica. It was great and a whole recharging visit. We lounged around most the time. Had a candle and upper case living party, (that's these sticker sort of things that make great accents etc) Between ordering candles, the sticker things and Avon I was like darn. :-)

Had a great BBQ with the family on Friday. Got to see friends and family and meet some new people. Burf and Gigantor always throw the best bbq's. My kiddo is growing up so much that unless we were playing a board game with him he didn't want to hang out with Aunt Alekx to much. I knew the day was coming I wouldn't be the cool kid on the block anymore but sighhhhhhhh. They need to stop growing up.

The family got me on the puddle jumper plane on time and off we took. Got to Farmington NM for an hour lay over. No worries, get on that puddle jumper plane to Denver Colorado, get to my United Terminal, and BAM flight has been canceled. What the fuck. So I go over to customer service. I'm like 30th back from the counter. (There are in excess of 250 people in line) and they have, let me count them 2, yes 2 people helping 20+ canceled flights (1000 or more people) because their people were walking off the job I guess. So 30 people back I stood in line for like 2 hours only to be told I could not get on a flight until morning. GRRRRRRRR. Got my hotel voucher and some food and headed out. At least it was a nice room. Get to the flight the next morning, and it's fucking over sold. So they threatened to bump many of us to the 10 am flight. I was getting angry by this point. Last minute they gave me my seat back. I was the very last person on a full flight. But I got home. Then had to go search for my luggage that at least made it to Dallas/Ft Worth before I did. Came home and went to bed as I had to work last night.

I'm training a new dispatcher at work so I was trying to be on my toes but I was frigging tired. :-) And then we had to me the very worst call that can come into the fire/ems side of dispatch. A 5 month old baby not breathing. My trainee of course could not handle that kind of call so I took over. Help the parents do CPR until the paramedics got there. But as many good outcome calls as I get, this one wasn't one of them. Had to help the new girl realize that we can only do our best and as much as we want to help everyone, the ultimate life and death decision is not in our hands.

So time to go make some dinner for the elf and I and get ready for another day at the office. The elf travels next week so I'll be home with the killer dogs and cats and his psyco bird. :-)

Have a good day all.

Where's the Beef

2008-06-17T15:09:00.001-07:00

.....you figure it out. Was I being kinky or just at a loss of a title. Ha I'll never tell.
I know I suck at posting. It's been pretty crazy since getting back from vacation.

We got back on a Sunday From New York. Monday I was in School for my job. A week before my vacation they told me they thought I was ready to become a communications training officer. So I and another girl from our PD went to a week long class to get the basics for being a trainer. I get my first trainee on July 7. I'm excited to share my skills and knowledge with her and hopefully help her become a good dispatcher.

Get back to work a week later, and there is an envelope in my box, it's a letter my boss wrote nominating me for Texas dispatcher of the year. I was in shock. The call she used was a great call, but I guess I was so happy at the out come of the call I never thought it would be good enough for a nomination.

During all this one night a 10 year old boy had called 911 for his very very sick mother. He was home all alone with her and she was in bad shape. He did what every mother should practice practice practice with their child for dialing 911. He was so calm, gave me all the information I needed. After I got everything, he then broke down and cried. I kept him on the phone till ambulance and a police officer got there to help him and his mom. I was so proud of him that myself and my boss put him in for a child 911 hero award. Made a big deal of it. He and his mom and some other family came to the city council meeting, he wasn't told why he was there, so he gets called up front, (2 tv news crews and several newspapers were there) The whole on duty fire department fellas were there, several police officers to include the chief of police, myself, my boss and my lead dispatcher. We all went up front with him. He was awarded a placque from the county, a placque from our city, I hung a 911 hero medal on him, he also got a tee shirt and a 911 back pack with all kinds of pressies in it. (Snuck in there was a gift certificate for Incredible Pizza, that's a place like Chuckie Cheese only bigger and better) He was interviewed on the evening news, on two different channels. YAYYYYY I'm glad I could be part of recognizing a kiddo who did good. To many times we only see the bad thing they do!!!!

Also got a call from my boss a few days ago at about 07:30 she's like did I wake you up, I hope I woke you up. (I get off at 7 am takes me 30 minutes to drive home, if I was sleeping my car was on auto pilot) She couldn't contain herself any more, She's like you WON the award!!!!!!!! I dropped the phone. I guess the letter along with a copy of the call she nominated me for when it went before the committee they told her that every round mine was always passed through right to the top. At the end mine was voted by unanmious vote. WOW! I feel so humbled. There are like only 10 people given this award for the entire state, and people if you look at your map Texas is a big state.

Last thing to bore you with. Scuba Elf and I went to a bird show a couple weeks ago. Needed to get his bird a new cage. Was looking at all the birds he had for sale there. Little birds, big birds, medium birds. He had blue and gold macaws there. I used to have one that I let go to a zoo, I know it was good for her but it has always felt like a mistake. (She had been caught in the wild and smuggled over in a tire weld) I rescued her from the owners after the man she bonded with died and the family stuck her in a corner and ignored her. So anyway looking at the birds and he has babies. Like 4 inches long bald and bug eyed. Elf says you want a bird, I was like yah but it's alot of money. Elf then asks the guy will you take payments and if we buy 2 cages and a bird what kind of deal will you give us. They worked out such a good deal that we got the 2 cages and the baby baby bird for much less then just a bird would normally cost. About same as what one cage would normally run. So that's my birthday, anniversary, congratulations present. We can't pick the baby up until End of August. But I'm excited. I'm looking for people to send ideas for bird names. Come on folks, if I let the police officers name it, it's gonna be a retarded name. The only cool names we have right now is Loki (Nordic God of Mischief) and Sammy. That or I'm gonna have to call it soup or something. :-)
Help a sister out here.

Have a good day.

New York City

2008-05-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, the scuba elf and I just got back from a trip to New York City. How awesome is that. We did the whole tourist thing and I LOVED LOVED LOVED it.
I was nervous about going to the city because my only preception was all the dark muggings and crime you see on TV. What a surprise. There is a large police presence and the city is really cleaning up. People are taking pride in that city.
Things we experienced there
****The empire state building with the American Flag proudly flying from the top.

****The subway system (which by the way I am queen of) I can navigate the subways like a pro now, but hell no I don't want to move there. Too Many people.

****A mentally disturbed man, counting M & M's. He'd pour all the M&Ms out in his hand and count them as he put them back in the bag keeping one out that he would eat, twist the bag and put it in his pocket, then start the whole process over again

****Times Square at night with all the lights and hustle and bustle. WOW, I felt like a child going to disney land it was such a sensory rush.

****The Statue of Liberty, this is the only thing I really wanted to see. I've always wanted to go to the statue and was able to. How awesome and how humbling to think of immigrants coming to this country and seeing this marvel welcoming them to the US. Also went to Ellis Island which was cool but the Statue was the BEST.

****Lombardi's Pizza, the oldest pizza place in the United States. The sauce on the pizza rocks.

****Rice to Riches, has the most amazing rice pudding in about a gazillion different flavors. Man I WANT MORE!!!

****The pickle guys. Elf wanted GOOD pickles, and this day is was pouring rain so we just went to the pickle place. My umbrella broke so that sucked I was soaked.

****Carnige Deli, the meat on the sandwich was like 14 miles high. But it was yummy. It's been on the Food TV show. yummm

****Broadway, Young Frankenstein the musical. I think this was the best experience. I am a big big fan of Mel Brooks Young Frankenstein, and they actors they had in this musical were PERFECT!!!! It was a bit modernized and the elf got GREAT seats cuz he knew I wanted to see this. I also got an ABBY NORMAL tee shirt. Fans know what this means. :-)

****A young man so drunk that he threw up and passed out right there in the subway terminal. That was so gross I had to take a picture and send it to Burfica.

****Coney Island, we took a 1 and a half hour train ride so that we could get an original Nathan's hot dog from Coney Island. It was worth the ride. :-)

****Brighton Beach (Little Russia) WOW talk about stepping into another world. Found a buffett and tried a few different authentic russian dishes. Good stuff. Especially the stuffed cabbage and the meat dumplings. :-)

We stayed for 4 days and came home. My feet still hurt from all the walking but it was GREAT

Have a good Holiday weekend.
Hugs

Their Move is progressing

2008-05-04T18:24:00.001-07:00

Talked to Burfica and Gigantor earlier. The move is progressing. Today being Sunday, gigantor was working with a friend to get the plumbing done and the trailor leveled. Burfica has been running around trying to get things done and Kiddo and his friend Big J have been hitting it hard, moving and stacking wood for the leveling, getting things from the old lot to move.

I guess the inspectors come tomorrow, the electrician is suppose to go at 8 to get that done and the inspector at 3, so hopefully they can start moving in by Tuesday.

I've been busy with work and with Scuba and teaching CPR. I did 22 people last week. 22 construction workers. How fun was that. Have to do another 24 for the same company but none of that group speaks English so it should be intresting.

I will honestly try to be better about posting, but wanted to give an update on Fica.

Hugs

Some Days Scuba HURTS

2008-03-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

what's pink and blue and shrivled with teeth chattering

ME That's who the hell who it is.

The Scuba elf has a dive class he is teaching this weekend. So since I'm a certified assistant (dive master) I went out to help him. It's cloudy, it's rainy and the scuba park we are using is a spring fed area. This mean COLD. Water is 53 degrees. I know in the grand scheme of things this doesn't sound that cold, but in water you lose your body heat much much faster then in the air. So 53 in the water is about equlivant to oh sat 33 to 35 degrees in the air, if not a bit colder. Brrrrrrrr.

Also being first dive of the season, my fat butt is outta shape. Diving is a very relaxing sport, however it does take lots of energy. LOTS of energy.

AND dumb ass me figures HEY I'm gonna try out my new gear I got last winter. NEW wetsuit, new BCD, new mask, new boots. The RULE is only try out one new piece of gear a dive. But since it's getting busy I have to get it broke in, in a hurry. So here I am outta shape, breaking in new gear, and the water is cold (did I already mention that) so by the time we got home last night everything HURT. Of course having a very bad back and a bad knee doesn't help, but what the hell. That's why they make hydrocodone.

So may you have a limpy, gimpy Monday.
I'll post again as soon as my fingers thaw out.

Hell I have no idea what to post about

2008-03-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

....first off for coffeypot. Look at the new profile hahaha
Anyway I'm a police and fire dispatcher as well as an Emergency Medical Dispatcher. What that means is basically I can give pre-arrival (of the paramedics) instructions to the caller and attempt to talk someone through CPR on the phone.

Last week was kind of crazy, and I was just so wore out. Sometimes my job does that to a person. One night while I was working the fire side, we had a house catch fire, and while firefighters were doing their primary search they discovered a victim inside the house. He didn't make it. For me that's one of the bad things to hear on the radio. Mine and Burfica's dad caught on fire when we were young and almost lost his leg. Not that hearing about the deceased was traumatic for me I just don't like that part of the job.

However the next night I was working the police radio, and answered a 911 call as my partner was on another 911 call, and there is a man breathing quite hard with excitement and I hear a lady moaning in the background, he says my wife is having a baby. So I send my partner the call so she can dispatch the paramedics, and start talking to the guy. There was a language barrier plus him being excited, but we got him a bit settled and doing what he was suppose to do. Suddenly between screams from his wife "GET AWAY FROM ME" he yells, I see the head I see the head. So keeping my calm (which is a trait a dispatcher/911 operator must have to remain calm or to at least sound calm no matter what is going on) I start the actual birthing instructions. Then the paramedics got there (it wasn't very long cuz our guys have a great response time) They took over, after awhile one of the medics come on the radio saying Medic blah blah blah transporting code 1 to (hospital name) one patient (((pause....))) and one little guy on board. They delivered in the home approx 5 minutes after they arrived. HOW cool was that. I almost delivered a baby.

So that's some typical work days for myself and my partners, we are all one big team doing what we can. Some days it's exciting on the fire/medic side, some days it's exciting on the police side (car chases, foot chases, blah blah blah) and some days it's exciting on both sides at one time. That's what I like about my job, never the same shit on a different day, always different shit every phone call or radio transmission.

Anyway Coffey, that's what I do in order to pay the bills and to go scuba diving.

Have a great Thursday everyone

Crazy busy

2008-03-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's the time of year, but seems to be crazy non stop busy. Work has been slammed with not only the regular fights, drunk drivers, blah blah blah but with lots of medical calls and a house burning down.

Maybe it's the weather change, maybe it's the fact that it's been raining like the 40 days flood in the bible. I don't know what it is but people seem to have their health as well as their tempers on the tips of their fingers.

I've been talking to Burfica over the last week, read the whole exchange between her and her "suposed" friend Burf's rant on her blog, then the reply. This is the only thing I'm gonna say on the matter in this post.

Burf, by bestest sister, is not perfect nor does she claim to be. However SHE is always a good friend to people, sometimes to the point of me telling her HOW THE HELL do you attract all the Nut jobs to you. It's because she does not judge people, and she's there to listen and to try not to preach to people. Burfica is much much better at that then I am. I am the type to just say what's on my mind. I applaud Burf for waiting an entire week before venting her feelings, in hopes that she and her "friend" could maybe mend fences. Good for you Burf, you have great patience

I however like I said have no tact or cooth, so in that I say, Yes Canadian Flake you have acted like a bitch. You way over reacted and you sit in judgement of people if they do not think the way you do or the way you tell them to. You deleted me from all your things when you deleted Burfica and to that I say good riddance.

So nuff of that.
I'll try to have funny stories from work soon.
It's hard to have a funny story when a citizen died while on shift.
Later

Look it's Noah's Ark

2008-03-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you everyone who has been asking Burfica if I'm okay.

I'm okay. Just Overtime got to be insane, and well I lead a very very boring life so what can I say.

The weather here was up in the 70's for the last few days. today it's barely pushing 40 and it's windy and rainy and I swear Noah's ark just went floating through my back yard. My dogs were trying to hitch a ride cuz their paws were wet and cold when there were trying to poop.

Speaking of pooping, poor casper dog has problems with his glands so I took him to the vet to have them drained yesterday. Vet says they were the size of golf balls. of course this was after she finished puking in the sink. Ummm with the problems he has not only do the glands get big the smell is toxic. (Hell why do you think I take him to the vet instead of doing it myself)

My girlfriend and I went and got our girl on this weekend. Pedicures, Manicuries, facials. I was in heaven people. Facials are second only to great sex. I'd rather have a facial then a back massage. And pedicures...man o man. I would never get them before because I have really ugly feet. I'm talking I can't even wear girl shoes cuz they are so big and ugly, but a little lady from vietnam talked me into one and I've been hooked ever since then.

Okay told you all I was boring so I've been random enough. Time to go to bed I guess.
Happy Monday all

I miss my mom

2008-01-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

Today is a day filled with all sorts of emotions.
Today is the 2nd anniversary that my and Burfica's mom passed away. A year earlier I had brought her here to Texas hoping that we could help her get better as she was a train wreck health wise.
Unfortunatly within a week she was back in the hospital for a week and on hospice shortly after her admit in to the hospital.
My mom being the fighter she was fought her way out of hospice, and was very close to going to an assisted living facility instead of being stuck in a nursing home. In the end the damage done to her lungs from smoking finally took her.

I read Burf's post and like her whenever something happens I want my mommy. I want to laugh with her, cry with her and scream in anger with her. Things that can never happen again.

But at the same time I have to thank her. While not the worlds best mother, but I wonder what mom is. None... every mom just struggles along and does her best. Mom ended up divorced in a time when divorced women were considered sluts and whores. And that it was they who must have done something wrong because men were the all knowing assholes. Mom took these attitudes on head first no matter how much they hurt her. She taught Burfica and I a Fuck you attitude. If you need something bad enough nobody is going to stand in your way.
She always tried to make sure we laughed as kids. She always made sure we had food on the table even if she went hungry, and she always made sure we had cloths and shoes. Even if her shoes had duct tape on the holes on the bottoms.

With all her flaws she was a good mom. She was my mom.
And despite what she and Burf and I talked about I was the one who had to tell the doctors not to do anything for her.
My head knows it was right, my heart still ain't quite caught up with that thinking. Thank God Burfica and I are so close and there was no fighting over all that mess.

I know Burf is having a bad day to.

I love you sis

I love you mom

I miss you mom

The Philippino Gods Hate My White Ass

2008-01-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

....what the (bleep) have I ever done to them but marry a cute little filippino guy. I'm thinking since I'm the only white person in the whole family there is this Asian plot to kill me.

EVERYTIME I eat a traditional Philippino dish I get so damn sick. At first I thought maybe it was just the mother in law trying to kill me off. But NOOOOO..... last night the scuba elf made my favorite dish called Longiniza (it's a sweet sasauge) and you have it with Rice and egg. I came out of the bedroom and it smelled horrid in the house. Hmmm maybe something burnt I though to my self. So we settle in with our plate of sasauge, some rice and a over medium egg on top of it all. 2 bites in I realize the longiniza is bad. Like food poisoning bad. I really thought at work last night for a couple hours my partner was gonna have to call the fire boys to come over and make sure I wasn't dying.

That's it....Philippino Gods....I'm not going anywhere so just stop trying to kill me. I refuse to eat any of your silly unidentifiable food anyway so put that in your eye.
HA

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2008-01-01T19:28:00.000-08:00

****New Note*** A very good friend of mine has finally got off his butt and got a blog so EVERYONE go check him out here Change of Fate

Okay people that wasn't a request...GO NOW Stalk him, be snarky and generally make his life great or miserable. I owe him a few for his pratical jokes. hehehehe

A very happy new year to all my blogger buddies.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Christmas was good. I had to work Christmas eve night and christmas day night, so instead of cooking elf and I went to this top end resort that was having a champagne brunch.
There was a salad island, a breakfast island, a sushi island, a pasta island, a hot meat island, a bread island, cheese island, kids island and a desert island. Problaby around 3 to 4 hundred different items to choose from. And Mimosias pours liberally. Not bad. The 65 dollar fee covered free parking, all the food and drink you wanted, and the gratuity for the waiters. We spent about 2 1/2 hours out there just eating little bits here and there.
New Years eve Last night. I worked a 12 hour shift and it was non stop busy the whole night. I feel like we all got our asses handed to us on a platter. But that's to be expected on this paticular night. I have to work tonight as well. No rest for the weary. It should be a better night tonight. (fingers crossed)

I got a call from a friend last night I hadn't heard from in awhile who said he has a blog now. So HE BETTER STOP LURKING and leave a comment so we can find him and invade his blog. Oh little does he know what he's in for. Muwhaaaaahaaaa

Okay sorry so short and boring but the puppy needs played with and I have to leave for work in about 20 mintues cuz my lazy ass stayed in bed for like 10 hours today I was so wore out after last night. :-)

Happy new year all. Enjoy going back to work tomorrow.

Santa Claus is coming to town

2007-12-21T20:44:00.001-08:00

...and he looks like a little Filippino guy.

So scuba elf and I already bought our pressies for each other. It's the same thing. whooooooo hooooooooo

Can you guess....

go on guess....

sheesh people

let me give you a hint

It starts with an I and ends with a phone

so if you want non-ending text messages while I'm bored at work ALL night long you'll have to send me 1) numbers to bother you non stop, and/or e-mail addresses to bother you non-stop.

However this endless texting crusade will not commence until Christmas as we are grounded from opening them until Santa day. :-)

So I was gonna have you all comment in the form of a Christmas story but that Hussy Melody Ann stole my damn idea.
Okay really I stole her idea but damnit she should have just e-mailed it to me and let me do it. hahahha

I hate friggin Walmart

2007-12-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

..... need I say more
..... end of post.

okay so I guess you aren't going to let me get away with that are you.
We go to Walmart to get Burfica and Gigantors Christmas present. We figured there cuz it was 10 dollars cheaper then the other place we were going to get it. (Of course I can't post it here cuz Burf won't close her eyes and then she'll know what she got.)
But anyway we are checking out and the lady opens the box and starts pillifering though it. I'm like what the fuck are you doing,
Lady: I have to check this to make sure it's okay
Me; ummmm if it's not okay I'll bring it back please get your sticky finger OFF
Lady: I have to do this
Me: Just hurry up then because we were second in line with you and have already waited 45 gawd damned minutes.
Lady: Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Me: OH MY FUCKING GOD JUST CHECK US OUT
Lady: I'm going as fast as I can.

We had 8 items for check out. It took 30 minutes for her to get us checked out. That is on top of the 45 minutes we had to wait. Poor guy behind us was like what the fuck people.

I wish some of these stores would at least hire people with a double digit IQ

Okay
End of post

Random Memories

2007-11-27T16:58:00.001-08:00

First off, thank you everyone for your concern. Scuba elf started a new job yesterday. We are happy but zero christmas shopping will be done until the 15th. The adults may have to wait for pressies cuz they can handle it. But I have to get Burfica's kiddos pressies bought and shipped right away.

I've been sick sick sick for the last 2 weeks. That's why I didn't post. I had NO energy. I even missed 2 days of work as I could NOT get out of bed. I slept for almost 48 hours.

For some reason I've been having random memories going on so I'm just gonna ponder and bore you to death. (stop reading here if you value your sanity)

Dust mops. I remember when I was a little kid, my mom used to have this dust mop and she'd sweep the whole house with it. For some reason I used to love the sound when she would shake the dust mop it always made me happy. Now I have my own dust mop, doesn't make me so happy but it's a good memory.

Popcorn. My mom used to pop popcorn all the time. Not once a week, not twice a week but at the very least 3 or more times a week. She had her special skillet for popcorn, she had this thing for at least 25 years that I know of. I think she finally burnt a hole through it. She'd put oil in this pan, let it get hot and toss in a couple hands of popcorn throw the lid on and wait for that first popping noise. Then she'd get out a stick of butter and put it in another pan and wait for it to melt. When she heard that first pop, she'd start shaking the pan and would not stop until the last pop was heard. All popcorn into the special yellow popcorn bowl, the whole stick of butter on it and we were feasting.

Station Wagons: My very first car was a 69 chevy station wagon that had monte carlo wheels on it. If you went over 30 miles an hour the front end would shimmy so hard you could barley hold the wheel. So yup we used to take it on the highway doing 75. Amazing we are still alive.

Smokey and the Bandit. Burfica used to ride in the back of the station wagon when she was young. Her and all her friends. One day I had her back there, the back window open, the drivers ed teacher was behind us (I had a huge crush on this man he was so fucking cute) Anyway we are driving slowly in front of the post office, I had to stop, the teacher stops behind us. Burfica who had just watched Smokey and the Bandit gets up on her knees, leans out the back window, both hands on her hips and at the very top of her voice screams "Get off our ass your sombitch" I died right on the spot.

Brodies. I know we've eluded to this before, but in the same station wagon with Burfica and all her friends in the back, I would head toward the lake and find a good piece of loose dirt. Now imagine 3 or 4 little girls maybe 9 years old in the back of a old metal station wagon. (NO SEATBELTS PEOPLE those were for pussy's) and I'd hit the dirt at about 50 and start spinning brodies in the dirt. Did you know you can obtain 0 gravity with 4 9 year olds when you spin fast enough. But they always bitched about the bruises from rebounding off the sides, the roof and the floor. Sheesh.

Growing up. When my parents got divorced, mom said you are gonna have to help take care of Burfica. I kind of took that to the extreme sometimes acting like the mom. Burf hated it, I understand why, but I just wanted her to be safe, to be happy and to buckle down in school. She didn't have an easy time studying like I did. I could blow off reading a book, listen to a lecture and pull 90's on tests. She didn't have it that easy. As we've grown up, I'm so happy that my baby sister is my best friend.

Scuba elf. What can I say, we met on the internet in December of 1998, he finally talked me into letting him fly out to AZ in Feb of 99. He stayed 5 days, flew home on a Monday, we were engaged on Friday and Married in August. We've had some rocky times and at one point almost broke it off, but we hung in there, and our love is stronger then ever. He is my life and my love.

I have a ton more memoires floating around in my brain, but I'd stop boring you now.
I hope everyone had a great holiday if you are in the US. We went to my girlfriends house and had dinner, then I had to work that night.

Hugs

It's been a long week

2007-11-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

......yup it's been a long last week. On Tuesday the Scuba Elf called and he'd been laid off from his job. Hopefully he will have work in the very near future. Same day he got laid off my last surviving Grandmother passed away. I can't give a better tribute then my little sister Burfica did, and since all of you that read here read there you've already read her tribute to our Grandma. Needless to say it has been stressful.

Friday was Scuba Elf's birthday. His brother took us out to a really nice dinner Me, the elf, the brother and the mother in law. Nice fancy place, and the best part is the brother picked up the tab.

On Saturday we went to a bike show and looked at all the different motorcycles and drooled alot. Went with friends, then had a small dinner with those friends and another couple that met us for dinner. That was nice.

My work is still going along, there are still bad guys out there, and still people that need an ambulance or the fire department so I'm working 11 at night till 7 in the morning. Still a good bit of overtime going on. I have some this month but a LOT next month, and I did something really stupid and signed up for a 12 hour shift on New Years eve. Ah well.

Went swimming this morning. Figured it's time to get my fat butt back into shape. I used to swim a mile. swam 700 yards today and was huffing and puffing. But I was only shooting for 400 since it's been awhile so I did 300 more yards then was my goal. Yay. Thursday My goal will be 700 yards so hopefully I'll do a thousand. (600 more yards to be back to the mile mark.)1600 total that is

Later all.

The rotting thumb conversation

2007-10-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

This is the conversation between the house elf and I yesterday (on the phone)

elf..where have you been
me.. the phone was dead I had to find one that was charged up
elf..not my problem, I have a big problem here
me.. oh no what?
elf..my thumb is bleeding and the knuckle is black
me.. OH GOD start toward the Dr's office right now and I'll call them

(Dr office said put pressure on it and have him come right in)

Me.. okay put pressure on it and get to the Dr's office
elf..it's not bleeding bleeding, it's bleeding internally and my thumb is all black.
me.. okay stay calm just get the Dr's office I'm on my way to meet you there.
(I'm envisioning witch's caludron black and thinking gangreen)

Get to the dr's office and meet the elf there.
He shows me his thumb

me.. (trying to hold back the hystrical laughter) Oh God Hunni it's a bruise
elf..no it's not it's black and I'm gonna die and my thumb is going to fall off
me.. no hunni it's a bruise but lets let Shannon (the P.A.) look at it
elf..I'm going to die
me.. just let Shannon look at it (still laughing my ass off)

Taken into the office, Shannon comes in and looks at the thumb

Shannon..OH MY GOD look at the bruise you have on your hand. (looking dead serious)
**I'm doing the porky's scene in the office when Beulah is talking about the mole on the penis, thing and turning purple and sliding off my chair onto the floor trying to stiffle my laughter**

Elf.. I'm going to die!
Us... okay but not from the bruise

After you laugh here go ask Burfica about trying to lose her eye

Happy Halloween everyone

It's all an evil plot

2007-10-28T09:10:00.001-07:00

Duck....that's the evil plot and I'm never eating duck again no matter who tells me it's okay to do do so.
Scuba Elf's brother went to communist China for his vacation, and he brought home a peaking duck. Of course he wanted us to come over to eat with him and their mom. BAD move on my part.
We went we had duck. I'm not sure if it was the greasy duck, the fact it made a 12 hour flight from China, or that it's been hanging out over here for a week before being made into dinner. But after eating the duck and then looking at pictures of the brothers trip. We walked home (we only live 7 doors away so it wasn't but a stroll down the street) That's when it hit. The sweats, the shakes, the OH MY GOD I don't feel so good. People I think I puked up a lung and half my intestines and there were a couple toenails mixed it.
Now the thing to find out, is this a communist plot to off the evil American red headed females, or is the brother in law plotting my demise.
It's a mystery...a mystery that my poor stomach is in the middle of.

Excuse me while I go wither around in pain.

Thankyou and random stuff

2007-10-22T09:53:00.001-07:00

Thank you everyone who has been praying for Dorko. She has posted her story on her blog. Second link down there on my side bar.

Overtime is killing me people. We are short 4 people at work and there is a special project going on which requires their own dispatcher 3 days a week. I feel like I live at the police department right now. I don't mind the money but I'm at the point in my life where it's not as important as the time I get to spend with my hubby, family and friends. And I haven't been able to spend hardly any time at all because of the OT.

So because I haven't seen my hubby in like a week. He was teaching Scuba rescue diving at the lake this weekend. So I worked all night Saturday night (which was my day off) then jumped in the car and drove 3 1/2 hours to the lake to pick him up just to have the drive home to spend with him. I took an hour nap on the drive home then we just talked and hung out for the rest of the drive. It was nice. We both were in bed early though, me from lack of sleep and him from sheer physical exhaustion.

Scuba elf is having surgery on his thumb on Thursday, so we are going in for his pre-op work later today. He has a "clicky thumb" it's called hammer thumb that the tendon that lets the thumb bend and straighten isn't working right and when he tries to straighten his thumb it pops very loud and is very painful for him. The hand doc says 5 minute surgery. SOOOOO why the hell is it gonna cost close to 10 grand. sheesh.

Burfica's last post about the town of Seligman has stirred alot of memories for me as well. She's always so good about putting memories down in written word. I might attempt some of my memories of this town in the near future. Hoping Gigantor got his elk but if not he can go back out. :-)

Brrrrr it turned cold over night. I hate the cold. It was nice to sleep with it raining and having not slept yesterday 12 hours people. I've slept 12 hours and am still planning a nap before I have to go back to work. blah.

Have a happy Monday

Prayers

2007-10-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

Please Keep Dorko (over there on the side bar people) in your prayers. She really needs them right now.
She will tell you in her own time why, but just know that she needs them so please add her to your prayers or good thoughts meditations.

Hugs
Alekx

Burfica

2007-10-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

Burf has come out of her surgery fine and they are on their way home.

I've not talked to her cuz she's snoozing but Gigantor says the doc said everything was just fine.

Don't expect her to post today and maybe tomorrow

Hugs

Yawnnnnn

2007-10-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

What ever possessed me to volunteer for deep nights. Not that the deep nights are a bad thing, I enjoy that shift but what possessed me to volunteer for hours and hours and hours of overtime at the same time as trying to get used to sleeping during the day again.
I'm cute and cuddly but sometimes I'm an idiot.

The overtime has been fun though. We have a zero tolerence task force out working, and they are making the bad guys and girls very very sad. I don't understand why they are so sad they get a ride in a nice cushy police car. They get a nice firm cot (good for the back) 3 meals a day (bologna sandwiches) and they get to hang out with all their friends having stimulating conversations through the wall.

Maybe it's the whole handcuff, fingerprint and through search thing that makes them sad.

Man you just can't make people happy now days.

Soon

2007-09-27T19:58:00.001-07:00

Will post soon and try to use your ideas in a singe post
Just in crisis communication class right now and I'm wore out.
You can leave me a note telling me how much you love, adore and worship me. Might get me in gear sooner.

hehehe
I'm a whore and I know it.

HOW

2007-09-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

good lord how can I answer 911 calls all day talking to the cream of society and not have one single intresting thing to post about

any ideas?????
anything

if you leave me a comment about a topic, any topic I'll try not to bore you and will write about that topic

come on people help me the hell out. I'm pathetic and begging here

aruuuughhhhhhhhhh

Holy Grapes Batman

2007-09-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

did you know that when you go to something called Grapefest, in a town known for it's vineyards and winery's the fest consists of tasting several different wines, oh and some beers, and you come home quite buzzed and have a killer headache the next day (which is today)

that is all.

Thankful

2007-09-11T08:21:00.001-07:00

Today 9-11 is a day for America to once again mourn.
To look back on the horror inflicted on us and innocent people, but times of mourning always should come to an end and lessen.
This morning I was thinking about a friend, one that I met on the internet, he and I have been though good times and bad times, happiness when each of us found our soul mates and married them. We have never met in person but I feel very close to him.
He was in tower 1 when the plane hit. He got out and away. Many other people got out and away that day. We should be really thankful for those lives.

At the same time I remember the ones that didn't get out. And send up prayers for their families.

Also being in the profession I'm in, I remember the men and women of law enforcement and the firefighters that ran into these buildings trying to save people and that never came out. There is a hole in my heart for them and for their families, I can't even imagine losing one of my guys or gals, it would be devastating. I just wish people remembered how they treated the police and firefighters for several weeks after 9-11 and continued to be as thankful for them today as they were then. They still do the same job, they still run into buildings where everyone is running out of trying to save lives and property.

I am thankful for the men and women who still do the job today even though they are treated with less then respect.

The Great Frog Hunter

2007-09-06T19:37:00.001-07:00

So I'm sound asleep the other night. I hear the dog bounding off of walls. I get up, put my surgical shoe on, hobble into the bath room (the dogs favorite room to lay in I guess it's cool) And he's kangaroo hopping all over the bathroom. I'm figuring he needs to go out.

I put him out he runs around the yard for a bit and comes back in. 30 minutes later I hear this gagging sound. I leap up strap on the damn shoe again, hobble into the bathroom and the dog has drool hanging off his chin. I check him to make sure he's not choking, he starts kangaroo hopping again. So I kick his little ass outside again. He runs around and comes back inside. 30 minutes later kangaroo hopping again. I've had it so I get up, yup strap the damn shoe back on drag his little butt out to his kennel to sleep the rest of the night. Ahhhh finally blessed sleep.

7am Ding dong goes my door bell like 200 times (I only wish I was kidding) I figure the scuba elf has locked himself out, so I get back in my shoe, hobble run to the front door and it's my f'ing mother in law wanting to talk to the elf. FUCK if he doesn't answer the door he's not here there is no DAMN reason to ring my doorbell 200 times.
Muttering I head back to the bedroom and there is a dark spot on the carpet.

Hmmmm I'm guessing the stupid puppy crapped on the floor during the night again. Then the damn spot HOPS, then it hops again. Son of a bitch, he brought a frog in during the night and that's what he was chasing all night until I locked him up.
I had to sleep all night with a FROG. I hate frogs. Hate hate hate hate frogs.

Damn dog.

Things I'd never thought I'd say

2007-09-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

This post is kinda dedicated to Aza's beautiful fiance.
When we first get engaged, life is a whirlwind, we feel romantic, we feel IN LOVE and nothing our soon to be spouses do can ever be wrong because they are so damn cute and cuddly and perfect. This lasts for about a year, then you start realizing you are saying phrases that you never in your life thought you'd be saying or hearing your adorable little cuddly fuzzy bear say to you.

1. Stop picking at my tits that is not romantic

2. What just crawled up your ass and died

3. If you fart that dead thing again you are sleeping outside (or walking depending if they think farting in the car is funny)

4. I'm making you an appointment with the doctor, that smell coming out of your ass can't be good or normal.

5. Jesus Christ did you eat road kill for dinner

6. Please stop picking your head and eating the shit you find up there.

7. Hunni If I didn't make gravy for dinner, that spot on the counter isn't gravy, it's dog food.

8. Stop wiping your boogers under my car seat

9. Please pull your pants up and stop showing your butt crack in public.

10. Please stop rubbing your nose on the pages of my new book.

Things you never thought you'd hear your spouse say to you.

1. HUNNI!!!! Come look what I left in the toilet for you.

2. Don't wash those they are still clean (Note: usually said about week old underware)

3. That fart snuck out.

4. I have to take a shower, my balls smell like ass

5. That's gonna be itchy when it dries

6. I don't think that one was a fart.

7. Hunni come smell my finger

8. My poop looks like it's own island

9. But a vacume cleaner is a good birthday present

10. Sniff my feet and tell me if they stink

Ahhh the joys of marriage.
I'm so happy for Aza and his upcoming nuptuials.

Any of you have any items to add to this list I'd love to hear them.

Mother Bunny Humping Dogs

2007-08-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. The pain is still there but pain pills are GREAT!!!
I feel like such a slug. I lay in bed with my foot propped up watching TV. I hobble to the computer room and blog or play pogo with my foot propped up. I got back to bad and sleep then wake up and watch TV yup all with the foot propped up. I go today to get a bandage change and to make sure the toe is not rotting off. I guess that would be a bad thing.

Motorcycle mamma and poppa (one of my best friends and her hubby) took a labor day trip and so we are baby sitting their pooch "Riley" Riley is about 5 years old and he's known Zeus since he could still sit in my lap. Well all three dogs have been outside playing. I let them in on my excursion from the bedroom to the computer room.
They have all been wrestling and and rebounding off walls, funiture and my toe. Then it gets really quiet.
"""WTF""" I hobble out of the computer room and find Zeus on his face humping the floor, Casper on top of Zeus humping the puppy and Riley on top of both of them humping Casper. """""QUIT"""""" I scream at them at the top of my lungs. Talk about wounded looks given to me. Like I messed up the best game in the world.
What is it with my dogs and burficas gerbils having to do the humpity bumpity.
Gross

HOLY MOTHER IT HURTS!!!!!!

2007-08-29T19:23:00.001-07:00

Gawd *#&$*#^@#@*%$)% this hurts.

I had to have surgery on my second right toe today. I had a very severe hammer toe that had to be fixed. Went in today and the doc sliced and diced my toe then screwed the whole thing back together. Now the pain is INTENSE and I'm gonna put away my big girl panties and NOT deal and whine about it. Pain pills are a good thing but I just needed to get outta bed for a bit and let my back have a break.

So that's been my day. How bout your day? I bet it MIGHT be better than mine has been.

Oh and by the way, a 8 month old puppy does not know when NOT to stomp on your foot.

Did you Know

2007-08-24T22:44:00.001-07:00

Did you know.....

that when a rotweiller puppy has the runs on the carpet, it's pretty much time to pull up the carpet and put in stained concrete.

that a puppy playing bouncy ball with frogs excreats a poision that causes said puppy to have the runs all over your carpet.

that the same f'ing puppy when you are carpet cleaning his first mess will wag is little tail while popping right next to your foot.

that puppy can almost run faster than you can plant a foot in his ass. Almost but not quite.

that the scuba elfs face when sitting in a movie theater seat is even with my butt when I accidently fart when I stand up

that eating sugar free cookies gave me the fart that went in the scuba elfs face

that when driving your very hot bright red dodge charger (with a hemi) teen agers staring at the old woman in the cool car will run into a curb at 25 miles an hour.

that lemon raspberry cheesecake whilst having a beer isn't such a good idea.

that posting after having a beer and taking a pain pill makes you post very stupid Did you know things.

Nice weekend everyone

SCUBA ELF

2007-08-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

The house elf has done it and thanks to Aza he is no longer the house elf but the Scuba Elf!!!
As of Sunday he passed all his tests and is now an official instructor. CONGRATULATIONS HUNNI. I'm so proud of you.

For you new readers you don't know what an accomplishment this is. Around 3 years ago when we first signed up for Scuba lessons, the elf couldn't swim a stroke. He'd actually panic if the tub was full or the shower was turned on to high. But because I had dove years ago and really wanted to do it again he signed us both up. Then looked at me and said hmmmmm maybe I better go sign up for adult swim lessons! I've been telling him for years.
Christ honey you were born on an island and grew up there. It HAS to be in your genetic make up to be able to swim. And I was right. First swim lesson he was swimming. Not good but he swam unassisted for about 25 yards the first night.
After he learned to swim, he had to learn to float. He's a rock. Now he swims around a mile at a time when he goes to the pool. Doesn't think twice about wiping gear off to fix it at 50 feet in the ocean. And is now truly teaching people this sport he's come to love so very much. Whooooo hoooooo for my hubby.

On a side not did you know a 8 month old Rotweiller puppy who weighs 60lbs can pick up a football in his mouth and pop the damn thing. And I don't mean one of those little kid footballs but the big NFL football. I hear this huge POP the other night, and found the pup with a very satisfied look on his face. He has proceeded to yank the bladder out and show it to me in shreeds. Now his favorite chew toy is the leather outside. Ah well saves the funiture or walls being chewed on.

Happy Thursday evening. I need to feed the zoo.

Scuba Instructor and Random Crap

2007-08-10T10:24:00.001-07:00

So the house elf leaves today for a weekend of exams. He's passed everything else he needs to be a scuba instructor. Now it's just the final exams. I'm so damn proud of this man, when we signed up for scuba lessons 3 or 4 years ago, he would panic if i turned the shower on to high, he was that afraid of water. But because this was something I really wanted to do; he took swim lessons, passed his open water certification, then we got the adventure rating, went to Cozumel and it was no stopping him from there. We both took rescue diver class then went on to get our master Scuba Diver (highest on the rec side of diving) then at the same time got our Dive Master (the first level on the pro side of diving) He has now gone on for his instructor. I might do that in a year, we'll see. I have enough stress answering 9-1-1 calls. :-)

Okay so the house elf calls me the other day. Says Hunni my tummy is not feeling good. I said Why. Apparently he ate a pudding that he had left in the heat of the day out in his car. (Dumb ass) Then he gets real quiet and says when you eat hot puddin' it's like an express car. The shit coming out looks just like the shit going in. He says it must have a "shit pass" just flashes the intestines and zips right by to the colon.
Puddin in, puddin out

I just got my car back from the shop. Some damn construction truck didn't have it's crap tied down right and it blew off the back and scratched the side of my baby. Hot red paint and scratches doesn't look good. Took it to the shop, the guy goes I need the key. I looked him right in the eye and said I don't even let the house elf drive my car, if you put so much as a footprint in it, we are gonna have problems. Poor man. They did a great job though, no scratches, no foot prints.

My baby frog killing shit eating puppy is still at it, however my "baby" is now 65 lbs at 8 months. He's gonna be huge And why the hell does he feel the need to be a moving road block. Does not matter where I am he feels the need to be right in front of my feet or if I'm at a counter to lay right behind my heels. Dumb ass dog

On a final note, PLEASE if you call 911 and your operator says all right officers are on the way. Officers ARE ON THE WAY, and I don't really want to hear about what went on a year ago. Just be kind, shut up and hang up. Thanks so much.

okay happy Friday all

OH AZA, you better watch your back, you never know where a chair is going to come lobbing out of your computer screen. hehehehehe

You old coot

2007-08-08T09:30:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Burfica

My favorite baby sister

I love ya kidd

Frog Killing - Shit Eating Dog

2007-07-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

What more can I say
No frog is safe within the reach of zeus, whether he's leaping up and making their guts squirt out approx 18 feet or if he's tossing them in the air pretending they are bouncy balls. However frogs don't bounce to good once being in the jaws of a rottweiler puppy.

AND how gross no pile of shit is safe weather it be dog poop, cat poop bird poop or frog poop. The dumb ass is going to eat it.

Okay time for lunch

Happy Monday

Later

2007-07-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm working hard!
I'm reading the last Harry Potter book
I'm working on my yard
I'll be back soon

Oh That Smell

2007-07-12T11:06:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting watching TV with the house elf.

Who in all his glory raises a butt cheek and lets this rip roaring fart
that put green goo onto the walls.

I'm looking at him in stunned silence, and he looks at me with the most serious look on his face and says OH that's gonna be itchy when it drys.

GAG

2007-07-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

*** #(*%#$ Blogger won't let me put in a title, I'm sure like the rest of you****

ODE TO BINKY BEAR

Dear Binky Bear,

Mommy and Daddy gave you to me the first day I came here to live. I was little and scared and had been passed around from house to house all my young life.
We got home and they handed you to me.

You were my best friend. I carried you everywhere. You were never not by my side. I cuddled you, played with you and when my mouth was ouchie because I was cutting teeth you let me chew on you to make my gums feel better. Oh how I loved you my binky bear.

Then it happened. I started growing up. You didn't go to many places with my anymore.
But I'd still come back to you and cuddle especially when I got yelled at for being bad. You were still my little binky bear.

Then OH my one day I was playing with you and the next thing I knew, I ate off your face and pulled both your arms and legs off and scattered your stuffing all over the floor and played and played in what was left of you.

Binky Bear I'm so sorry, and know I still love you my binky, and I'll see you someday in binky bear heaven

Your Friend
Zeus
the puppy

4th of July

2007-07-03T22:16:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Mom
I miss you
I love you

Unknown Things About Me

2007-06-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

So quite some time ago I got tagged by Three Olives to list 7 things you may not know about me. But even if you do I'm gonna say em again so put that in your eye. HA

1. I met the house elf on the internet. We were both on Yahoo chat, and started talking when we were both bored at work. He was in Oakland and I was in southern AZ. After a couple months of chatting and phone calls, he broke down my resistance to meet in person. He spent 5 days in AZ. We talked about many things including looking for a mate. He went home on a Monday, on Friday I told him to call me. When he finally did (he thought I was going to dump him) I said if you were serious about what we talked about when you were here, bring a ring your next visit. That's how we got engaged. We've been married 8 years in August.

2. I have 6 tattoos. Not just little tiny tats like a cute little flower on my ankle but big ass honker tattos. In my left calf a castle in the clouds that goes from my knee to my ankle. On my left Thigh a Pegsus done in 6 shades of blue. On my left upper arm a dragon done in purple and pink (the house elf has the exact same dragon on his left arm only his is red and green) A unicorn on my left shoulder, a red rose on my right shoulder and then a large piece across my upper back that hooks the two on my shoulder. It's a large blue rose in the middle of my back and then a tribal from shoulder to shoulder with a rose vine entwining the tribal with pinkish purple rose buds.

3. I have severe arthritis in my back. I have had 4 rounds of steroids shoved into my spin, a disk-o-gram to see if surgery would help and 8 nerves burnt in my spine trying to get rid of the pain. I now can understand and symphitize with my mom for getting hooked on pain killers. Daily I am worried I'm going to be stuck in a wheelchair because the pain is so bad. I try not to let my family, my friends and my co-workers see how much pain I'm in but it's so bad I cry myself to sleep at night on a daily basis.

4. I like to collect music boxes. Not the actual box but the little statue things that have a music box attached to it. I don't have a super lot because I deceided to only collect the ones that were given to me by family and friends. But I love the collection I have. Kitties, owls, dancers dolphins and several others. I also collect wind chimes, not to the point that Burfica or my mom did but I have a nice little collection.

5. I am a scuba diving dive master. So is my husband but he will be an instructor in a couple months. I love to dive, but my back is affecting my ability to dive well, and so I've cut way back on my diving. From almost 150 dives a year to 30 to 50 dives a year.. I hate that. And I don't work with students much right now as if my back is in so much pain can I really keep a student safe. So I don't do that to much.

6. Smart ass...to the core. I know where it comes from. My father is a very sarastic person, to the point of being mean sometimes. So Burfica and I picked up being a smart ass as a defense mechinism. We have tried to curb it to being funny, and not to hurt anyone's feelings. But my last visit with Burf, I noticed being around my dad, I locked in to defensive mode again and was getting mean. I love my father very very much but he can be quite cruel sometimes. But at 67 he's not going to change. Only I can choose to change for me.

7. I had to tell the doctors not to do anything to keep my mother alive. And it makes me cry my heart out every day. No matter how many times she and I discussed this final decision it does not make it any easier to live with. And I would almost sell my soul for a few weeks to do some things differently with her. I was having so many problems in my life the last few months she was alive that I don't think I treated her with as much love and respect I should have and could have. I can only pray that she knows, and is happy that all those problems I was having are past and my life is good now and that I love her so much.

Well that's a peak into my life. As boring as it might be. It's who I am, it's how I live. Some people like me for it. Others don't. I can't make up their minds for them, and the ones that don't, I still try to treat with respect because I care about all of them. With the exception of one whore if she ever shows up on my door step I'll try to find a reason to shoot her for trespassing. But that's a story I won't go into.

Have a good weekend all.
Hugs

Yuck

2007-06-25T08:40:00.001-07:00

So a sneeze and a fart at the same time brings on things that most people don't want to talk about in mixed company.
You figure it out. I'm going to go hide my head in the dirt for awhile

Dogs and Frogs

2007-06-15T22:47:00.000-07:00

Nope not dead or sucked into Burfica's vortex bra. Been busy vacationing and keeping track of a puppy.
So just a quick note.
Speaking of puppies.
Did you know that when you have a 30 something pound Rotweiller puppy and it finds a very very fat frog in the back yard. When said 30 something pound puppy leaps straight up in the air and lands on very fat frog with both of puppy's front feet, said frog's guts shoot straight out of frogs mouth.
Yah I didn't either until yesterday.

Honduran Bowling

2007-05-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

......whooooo hooooo what a ride.....back safe and sound from Hondruas and what a blast we had. Lots of stories to tell but the first at the forefront of my mind is the new sport I discovered.
.....Honduran bowling. What is that you ask? Well if you give me a minute I'll tell you all about it.

First you must close your eyes, and picture a jungle paradise...second you must picture me all hooked up in this torture device that looks alot like a mountain climbing harness. Then you must picture me standing in stark terror, 300 feet up in the air on a mountain side with a steel cable strung across the jungle from one mountain to the next.

Now hear me screaming like a little girl as I leap off the side of this mountain, trusting this harness with it's plastic clips and hooks to hold me 300 feet in the air while I go zipping across this steel cable at about 50 miles per hour. Wondering if I'm gonna shit my pants half way across.

Now picture me sliding into the far mountain ass first because I can't seem to get the mechanics of turning myself around to land feet first while going 50 miles an hour and screaming and shitting myself.

Okay that's the first leg of this Jungle Zip line tour, I'm actually paying people to let me do, only 8 more lines to go. (FUCK what am I doing here) (House elf is there too, having as "good" a time as I am)

Okay so we make it through the next zip line, without a smelly mess in my pants, and still landing ass first because this turning around thing isn't working for me. Safe and sound...only 7 more to go. Holy SHIT 7 more. I'm gonna die.

3rd line. Okay, the guides say you have to run and jump off this little ramp deal. I look at this little fella and say, I'm only running if you point a gun at me, at which time another guide feels around seeing if he brought his gun. (not a good joke in a 3rd world country I guess) So RUN and jump goes the first Guide who is video taping the house elf and I in our moment of insanity. RUN and JUMP goes the second guide, who is this short little guy who maybe weighs 120 lbs if that.

My turn..... fast walk, fast walk to the edge...stop...walk back to the start...do it over, walk back to the start. Finally fast walk and do this trip off the side of the mountain, which sends me careening across the cable, of course ass first. I look over my shoulder at one point and see the landing area is way to low for my long legs and I'm gonna crash hard on my butt. As I get closer I look again and I see the little guide guy in this crouch position, arms open, right where my butt is aimed and I'm sailing along about 40 mph. Next thing I know I RAM into this guide at 35 or 40 miles per hour, I hear a loud grunt that did not come from me. Feel the guide bowl over like a strike on league night at the bowling alley. Then suddenly I'm sitting on his lap. I never hit the dirt at all. However I did wrench the poor guys knee out. He should have realized he's very tiny and well I'm not, and maybe standing right in the landing zone isn't such a good idea. Only 6 more lines to go.

Next line I got stuck half way across, which will bring us to Terror hanging 300 feet over the jungle, but that's another story for next time

So if you are ever in Hondruas on the island of Roatan, Visit the pirates of the Caribean zip line tour and ask if you too can go Honduran bowling.

Later people

General Stuff

2007-04-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

......I've forgotten what it's like to have a puppy in the house. Especially a Rotweiller puppy. Every thing that hit's the floor or is within reach is theirs to chew, attack or pee on.
Say the A&W Rootbeer bottle that hit the floor. That has provided hours of entertainment for the puppers. He seems to think it's a bad guy that he must pounce on at all costs to self and limb.
He also has a bad case of flop ass. Everytime he stops moving his little ass hit the ground. I told this to my vet and thought he was gonna have a seizure from laughing.

On other fronts. I FRIGGING HATE painting. The hubby and I have deceided to make one of our spare bedrooms a media room. Awesome idea, except for the painting the ceilings and walls a dark color. Especially the ceiling. And our walls and ceilings are texturized. What a stupid concept and if I ever build another house I will murder the builder if the walls are texturized again. Swear to God I will kill everyone in site. You can't get paint into the little crevases without like 25 coats. You can't tape because the tape doesn't get into the crevases, so instead of straight line when you remove the tape you get scallops and then have to hand cut the paint on the walls so that you do get a straight line.
Now I just have to paint the door frames, then build a screen and buy a projector and it should be pretty awesome!!!!!

One week to Honduras people. And as much as I love and adore all of you I ain't gonna miss you a bit. HA put that in your coffee and drink it.

New Baby

2007-04-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I know it's been awhile since I posted. Live with it people I've been on boko overtime. One of the ladies we work with recently had a double lung transplant and a couple weeks ago she had to go into the hospital because both lungs were rejecting. So it's been crazy working her shifts. Keep her in your prayers that she will get better. She seems to be improving.

So last Wednesday I'm a work and one of the detectives comes in and looks at me and says Alekxxxxx I have a 10 week old Rotweiller you have to come get him and give him a good home. (This detective raises and breeds Rotts so she has ummmm 4 and always a litter or 2 of puppies around.) Apparently this poor baby, got picked up from the breeder by a lady and her husband. They had him 2 weeks, and the puppy growled at the 5 year old. Well Duh it's a puppy and it has to learn. But husband deceides the dog is agressive. picks up the dog and shakes it by it's front legs and tells the lady get rid of it now. (She should have divorced the hubby) so puppy went to my detective friend who had him a week, before she talked to me. Of course I couldn't resist a baby rottie so we picked him up on Thursday and brought him home. He's so sweet but he's gonna be HUGE. His name is Zeus, and he loves his big brother Casper. The cats are not happy to have a puppy and have been living on any high thing they can find to jump on. It'll take another week or two for everyone to settle in.
Now we get to live with 2 years of walls, funiture and anything not nailed down getting chewed or drug to the back yard. Why you ask. cuz well that's just how rott puppies are.

Will post a link to pictres soon

soon

2007-03-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

no radioactive piss, no toxic shits, no spewing vomit, just working tons of hours. (getting ready for Honduraus baby) so working lots of over time
will post soon
so damnit be patient before I have to do something severe like sing Shirley Temple songs to you while you try to sleep.

This sucks

2007-03-01T12:07:00.000-08:00

I wanna know what the heck is going on.
If I don't have a toxic waste dump spewing out of my butt then it's the thermonuclear, radioactive neon orange pee.
I've been sick sick people, and when I say my pee is neon orange it's neon orange damnit.
Apparantly my kidneys deceided they were lonely as everyone else was getting on the pitty party of not feeling good. You know the stomach, the head the butt, so they felt they needed some of that loving and gave me a raging infection.
Don't get me wrong I'm all about screaming (when it is partnered with moaning) but the blood curdling screams from the restroom while trying to relieve ones self was starting to make the neighbors think about calling the police.
Hell when that scream came out of the bathroom at work the police were thinking about calling the police thinking a homicide was taking place right under their noses.
So that's been my exciting week you all.
Spewing, peeing and screaming
I'm betting you wished you'd of just stayed on your own blog aren't you.

No more crazy straw intestines

2007-02-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

so my insides no longer sound like a crazy straw slurping up sludge. Or pushing it out at high rates of speed. All I can say on this is thank you to the poop gods for seeing fit to remove their curse from my butt.

It was a movie weekend. First went to Bridge to Terabethia. Very good family movie. It will make you laugh, it will make you go Awwww and Ohhhh and it will make you cry. Over all not at all what I expected but still quite good.
Second we went to see Ghost Rider. I was suprised at it. I enjoyed the movie, but now have to keep an eye on the house elf. He might go purchase a harley and see if he can set it and his skull on fire. As much as I adore my firemen I really don't need them visiting my house.

Yesterday the Dallas/Ft Worth Area looked like Armageddon and the end of days. Came out of the theater and the sky has this orange overcast, everything is eearily reflecting off surfaces. The wind is blowing almost like a tornado is building up.
Turned out to be a huge dirt/dust storm with 50 to 80 mile an hour winds, but I was looking at the house elf on my way to work, telling him well if I die at work Honey you can have my new car. :-) He didn't seem to amused.

Of course with the winds that high, things were a mess thorugh work. Power outages, stoplights off, (and of course no driver is smart enough to treat a non working stoplight like a 4 way stop, NOOOOO everyone wants to go first without stoping. Fugging idiots) Power poles were being ripped out of the ground which of course is making power go out all over the city.
FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER GOD YOUR BELIVE IN PEOPLE....Do NOT call 911 to ask of if we are aware the power is out, or to ask when it will be back on. I DON'T Fing care if you can't watch deal or no deal. Call your damn electric company. I'm to busy getting calls about bad guys trying to rob the local jewlery store cuz the power is out.
I just can not belive the stupid ass things people dial 911 for. I mean use it if you need it. But PLEASE and I've asked this before. The areas you drive thorugh on a regular basis. Look up the police/fire non emergency numbers and program them into your cell phones.
Okay I'm done ranting. Today is Sunday and for some reason that seems to be the day that many families feel the need to beat the living hell outta each other. So I'm gonna go do a couple double shots to prepare. (okay so minus the double shots)

Have a good Sunday all.

Warm Weather and the runs

2007-02-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

ever had your bowels sound like something sucking through a crazy straw until it explodes. Well if you have then you can picture my day yesterday. Holy moly hershey squirts batman. The only time I was outta bed yesterday was to hit the bathroom.
Okay so to much info?
Ah well live with it cuz I'm so damn loveable.

Today I feel every so much better. It's 78 outside so I just had to jump in the little red car, open the sun roof and go putting around town. heheheh In your eye suckers.

Not to much going on at the moment other than pulling pratical jokes on a fireman and having him put in handcuffs, stuffed in a squad car and convinced he was going to jail for an outstanding ticket for no seatbelt no less. Firemen are such babies about those things. But hey they are still heros to be running into places all other sane people are running out of.

okay not much more. Gonna go see a movie tonight maybe, so will let you know what we saw and if it was any good.

Later

Car Part 2

2007-02-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

okay you can go here
Yah its got a hemi and check out the car.

Watches and bracelets and Cars OH MY

2007-02-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

So Tuesday Feb 13, the house elf had to have carpel tunnel surgery on his left hand (and he's left handed) he had his right hand done in Oct. He's pretty laid up since he can't use his left hand. It's kinda fun to pick on him about it. shhhhh don't tell him that.
So on Valentine's day morning he wakes up and says I have to get something to eat I'll be right back (blood sugar and all) so I snuggle back down in the blankies to go back to sleep, when he comes back in and says I can't make my toast can you come help. So I get outta bed and on the counter is a package and he got me this drop dead beautiful watch and tennis bracelet and earrings. He and my sister were sneaky getting me to pick out these items. Using excuses like Burfica needing me to do a survey for her and blah blah blah. Sneaky pair they are anyway.

Then we were talking about my poor durango that the air conditioning was on the fritz, the seat was broken and the engine was making weird sounds, and I've had brake issues with it for several years. (I think they had a fopa at the manufacturing plant but of course it wasn't detected right away so nobody would cover it or take responsibiltiy for it.

So off we went shopping, Of course just to test drive, and ended up with them giving us the price we wanted, so yesterday we came home with a bright red (official name is torro red) 2007 Dodge Charger. Holy hell what a car and yes it's got a Hemi!!! 5.7 ltr engine with a hemi
we got power seats, power pedals (the foot pedals go up and down for the drivers) power mirrors, a 6 disc CD changer, a sun roof and some other stuff...lots of other stuff.
whoooooo hoooooooooo I'll take some pictures today. if I can figure out how to post pics on here I will. I'm not downloading that crappy blogger software for photos to my new Macintosh computer. So if anyone else has any ideas let me know.

So me and my RED Charger and my cute one handed house elf, are going for a spin.....in your eye suckers.

Clutz

2007-02-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Holy hell, I'm a clutz
Ya'd think someone could see a fire truck parked in their way. Wouldn't you
I mean it's a big red engine thing with lots of hoses and crap on it....
Ya'd think that any normal human being would give it a wide berth.
Walk around the damn thing.
But NOOOOOOO
Stupid ass cluzy me had to walk right next to the damn thing, trip over the big mean old fire truck and land right on my ass.
........and I couldn't even do it in another city, nooooo I had to fall on my ass in front of MY firemen.
Shit I'm never gonna live this one down.

So Does anyone ever come here anymore?

2007-02-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

So.....almost a year I've been gone.
Anyone even miss me?
Anyone even come here anymore?
Anyone even care?

.....anyway still working in a PD dispatching police and fire. My partner and I were working a large house fire, and the fire chief asks us to call the Gas company since there was a large gas pipe right by the burning house and ask them to get the gas turned off.

I make the call, speak to the very slow moving woman, I tell her our Fire Department is working a large house fire and needs the gas off ASAP, she slowly takes down all the info, then I guess reading from a script, she says okay so evacuate everyone from the home and extinguise all open flames immediatly.

Ummmm, well I had to say it. I go yes mame, that's what all the firemen are doing there, trying to keep the damn house from burning down. I'll tell them you said they had to complete that task immediatly.

DUH here's your damn sign.

Anyway if anyone even comes here anymore I'll try to start posting again
if nobody does, my own fault.

A break

2006-05-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

NOOOOOOOOO Burfica didn't suck me into her VORTEX BRA
I'm sure you've already noticed but I am taking a break from blogging.
Nothing against you guys I just need to take a break
HOWEVER..........see over there>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Oh come on look to the side there. It says e-mail me.
What a concept eh????
anyway I'd love to say in touch, so if you e-mail me we can do that.
also if you have ummmmmmm yahoo pager, MSN messanger or I think AIM send me your id's and we can chat that way too.

I'll come around from time to time to leave some snark on your blogs, I'm not that easily gotten rid of.

Hugs!

Nut Bars...I Perfer Almond Joys

2006-04-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

So there I was on Saturday night at work. And it was busy busy busy. Lots of loud party complaints, the usual people beating the hell outta each other when they get to drunk blah blah blah, and my 9-1-1 line rings at about 1:30 am. There is some guy on the other end of the phone who starts demanding my name and badge number. I give them to him and ask him what his emergency is. He screams in my ear BITCH I'm getting to that if you will just listen to me. Patiently I say yes sir, how can I help you. He then starts this story of how he's been walking all day looking for his girlfriend and his feet have blisters blah blah blah.
Trying to assertain what his emeergency is I ask him if he needs an ambulance (blistered feet and all) where as I get called a bitch again, and he starts spouting off how he is recording this phone call and my ineptness will have me fired before morning. I understand I tell him, can he please explain the nature of his emergency so I can get him the proper help he needs. Give me your supervisor he says. (by this time I've had my partner dispatch 2 officers) And if I don't give him an officer right the hell now he's going to blow up the police station to cure my inability to get him any help. So we have the supervisor go out there as well.
By this time the man has hung up on me after several other colorful expectivicitives about my race, gender and general attitude.

So the officers and supervisor get out there, and he calls back saying he's not going to the door for the officers because 1) they are not real officers, they are mob members that we have sent to kill him and 2) because the supervisor is a dirty cop that sells crack cocaine to little kids.

Can you say NUT BAR

Well this goes on all night from 1:30 until almost 6am. He is calling almost every 30 to 60 seconds on 9-1-1. Of course we have to answer every call he sends. Cuz we didn't have enough reason to bust down his door.
All night long we had things like because of his voice recognition software he knew our last names, and where we lived, our childern's names blah blah blah. He had the police department bugged and hidden cameras around the area so he could see us talking to him. (I wonder if he seen me flip off the phone)
What else...Oh Condalisa Rice is his sister and she's going to see me fired and then jailed for improper handeling of a 9-1-1 call.
I MUST call the FBI in Jackson Mississippi because he is an undercover agent needing help.
He's going to shoot himself with a 9mm. He is in love with me, but my partner wants him because she likes black guys with big cocks.
He won't talk to the supervisor because ths supervisor wants my promotion and he's not going to allow that since he's in love with me.
He's ordered a Black Hawk to bomb the city starting with the police department. Can I hear the chopper coming in now.
He set my house on fire with my 3 children in it (he must have had bad intel on this one no kids here)
So on and on it went. Both My partner and I would hang up on him every time he raised his voice or said a cuss word. Which suceeded in really infurating him but I couldn't have officers posted at his door step all night long.
Finally at about 5:45 he calls up screaming..You F'ing Bitch get me officers out here or I'm gonna blow my brains out. He then told my partner he'd come outside for any officers he just wanted to come get his cameras and bugs out of the PD. So we sent over 2 officers and he finally came outside and they took him into custody and wisked him off to the loonie bin.
Thus was my Easter night into morning...having the life sucked from me by a nut bar.

On a side note, I had my first really real migrane today. Not fun, everytime I seen light it made me throw up violently. Thank goodness I have eye covers I wear for when I work midnights. As soon as I put them on and made it totally dark in my eyes I stopped throwing up and then just passed out for almost 4 hours straight. My God how do people who suffer from regular migranes surive. I thought I was dying.
Not a fun day and damnit it was my day off.

Blood Baths and Hand Gernades

2006-04-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

so I've got cramps and I feel like ripping someone's head off.
I know that is something you all wanted to hear about and have me share with you, but hey it's the truth and I never said that things on this blog would be pretty or even intresting for that matter.

So it's been an intresting week with car chases, and foot chases and stolen vehicles from car jackings. And of course the usual people beating the shit outta each other and drunks driving the wrong way on the highway blah blah blah. But at least in my job I can NEVER say same shit different day cuz it's different shit EVERY single day. Makes life moi intresting.

So it's yard sale season. I don't know about you all, but though I live in a nice one story 4500 sq foot house, I'm trailor trash from way back and there is nothing I like better than elbowing my way though the trongs of other sweaty, tank top wearing no armpit shaving, crack whore yard sale freaks out looking for a bargin and jewing down the seller from a dollar to 10 cents for that shirt I LOVE. Last week I got 2 litographs of reef fish by an artist out of Hawaii. I talked the lady down to 6 dollars for the 2 of them. Looked em up on line and one of them is worth about 60 bucks the other right around the 300 dollar area. Look out e-bay here I come.

Nothing much else going on except I finished with the dominitrix physical therapist and she sent me home with my own rack unit so I could continue to punish myself without her around. Ughhhh. However I'm seeing a little improvement so I'll keep on with the self abuse for a bit longer since the equipment was 3000 dollars per piece and I had to get 2 differnt things. Hopefully it really is an improvement and I won't have to go get shots stabbed into my spine to reduce the pain.

Okay I'm off to find a hot pad cuz the homicidal manic thoughts are back along with the cramps so I better get away from all living creatures for the time being.

Bad Luck

2006-03-30T21:53:00.000-08:00

...okay so I'm thinking it might be bad for me to be a fire dispatcher. The last several calls I've gotten, the person will call in with some sort of ailment, I'll get an ambulance dispatched right away, they will get there and the persons heart will stop beating. Is it me. Am I cursed????
Will any of my friends call me if they need an ambulance????
I know it sounds like I'm making light of the situation, and in a way I am. It's such a high stress job that you have to be able to step back and just toss it all away at the end of the day. But it is quite wierd how all this has happened when I'm on the fire side dispatching. Strange....

The back saga continues. The neo natzi physical therapist is killing me and I'm thinking the PT might be doing more harm then good. Something happened on Monday and I could barely move for 2 days. Which is not good cuz I had to teach 2 CPR classes on Tuesday. That was exciting, I can barely bend 1/2 inch forward and I have to get on my knees and show the new techniques for CPR. OUCH fucking OUCH
Wednesday made it a little bit better but tonight I'm in some major pain. I go again tomorrow but I'm over 1/2 way through my PT and my hopes are getting dashed that I'm going to have to go and have something invasive done. :-(
This is effecting my everyday life now. Walking hurts, much less humping scuba gear, and right now those Harleys to relive my days as a biker mama are definatly looking to be on the back burner...damnit I guess I'll just have to have the tee-shirt and pretend to be the bad ass biker babe from yesteryear.

No funny stories tonight from work, except for the lady who called 911 to say there was a big hole in her back yard and she thinks someone must have burried a body there while she was at work. Or the crazy old man (poor guy) who was having hullicinations that there was someone standing behind his TV trying to steal it but not talking to him. Just messing with his TV. Poor old fella was seeing things. Luckily his wife got there and took him into hand.
Other than that I'm in to much pain to try to be funny or snarky.
Happy Friday everyone
Love ya all

one of these days

2006-03-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

I'll actually get around to posting on a regular basis. But I've been way to busy with the job, with the animals, with the exercise with the everything going on in this crazy world called life.
But I know you still love me anyway and I still love you. (yes Mike the back room is still love and not just using you for your body)

The back problem is out of control. But I'm going to this bull dike dominitix that is charading as a physical therapist. Her name is Minogn (like the steak) Apparently to help with disk buldge and degenerative arthritis the cure is to use a medeval device much like the rack. Strap you into this thing until you can't breath and your skin is brusied and battered, then turn on a machine that proceedes to pull you apart at over 100 lbs of torque. I've said cuss words this week that I didn't even know that I knew. However I guess godzilla knows what she is doing, alebeit I'm sore as a mother bunny humper it does seem to be working. I can actually reach the ground with my fingers and stand back up without having to duck waddle over to something sturdy to stand back up because of the pain. They are now talking about ordering me some home device so I can rack myself in the privacy of my own living room isn't that exciting.

Work has been frantic the last 2 weeks. And I've made a discovery that's not so startling but one tries to sheild themselves from it. The general public is a bunch a babies and over all just really fucking stupid.
Tonight there was a power outage from a transformer blowing up and I received no less than 50, count them 50 9-1-1 calls from "citizens" wanting to inform me the power is off, and what time will it be back on (I'm the police department not the frigging electric company) and demanding that we send an officer to sit in front of their house until the power comes back on. (I'm sure you all know that I jumped right up and did that immediatly)
Oh and if you pull into your garage, with the lights of your car on, and nobody is in the garage and the door sticks as it's closing a foot above the sidewalk. You don't have to call 9-1-1 to have an officer come out and look around your house to make sure there are no burglars there and then when the officer arrives insist that he or she attempt to crawl in this one foot opening because you are still to scared to get out of your car. ~~sigh~~

On a closing note information that you might not have known. ANY phone with a battery in it, (even the old cell phones that are no longer activated) will dial 9-1-1 no matter what button combination your press it dials 9-1-1 so for God Sake if you are gonna let your baby play with the old phone take the friggin battery out so I don't get 100 calls on the emergency line listening to your child babble into the phone and then have to tie up my officers sending them out to make sure everything is acutally okay.

Okay I'm done ranting.
I'm off to eat pain pills and drink tequilla.

Happy Friday everyone

Weekend antics

2006-03-13T09:49:00.000-08:00

so there is a reason I live in Texas, my second state of choice, of course Arizona is still my first place I want to live. But yesterday was 89 degrees out. In March and it's close to 90. What great weather.

It was to nice a day to stay inside so off we went first to K&G to find the house elf a new suit, since he's got a couple interviews this week. He's hating his job so I told him to go find a new job that he'll like. He'll find one and hate it within a year or two and we'll be right back here again, looking for a job. I hope he can find one that he loves doing.

Then we went over to Ft. Worth to this museum sort of place. It's called Log Cabin Village and there have been like 11 log cabins relocated and restored to this little village and there was all these 100+ year old artifacts in all the cabins. I love history like that. The old west, middle ages times, just the past in general.
The house elf and I are trying to spend some time together, because, and only people in the situation understand this. Taking care of a sick parent can be distraious on a marriage, and that's where we are at right now. Struggling to make things work. We'll see.

After the log cabin village we went and drove around down town Ft. Worth, and found the funniest little restrant, we didn't stop to eat cuz we were laughing to damn hard. It was an Asian fast food place called Woc and Roll.
If I have to explain it, then it won't be funny to you ever. I however almost peed my pants laughing so hard.

After that we went and had a nice dinner, then home and passed out for a couple hours. Then watched 2 movies. Saw II and Into the Blue. Liked em both alot.

Then I went back to bed. I haven't slept but a couple hours a night with how badly my back is hurting. OWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Today I see the doc for a new game plan. I think I want to start a decompression therapy, that is about 85% effective. I want to exhaust everything before I start any sort of invasive treatment.

Okay I'm off to clean cat poop (where is my damn turd burgular dog when I need him)
and to iron stuff for the house elf's interview.

Happy Monday all

Ha...still not dead

2006-03-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

nice try you all with the hate mail and the letter bombs but once again I've evaded your evil plot to rid the world of me. So phffffftttttt

Okay so really I got nothing which is why I've avoided coming to write cuz I really hate boring you all with NOTHING..which by the way did I mention I got right now...Oh I said that already...damn, not only do I got nothing but I'm losing my nothing mind.
So maybe a little randomness...

First...OWWWWWWWWWW fucking owwwwwwww I'm sore. I swam like a mile the other night. All of it free style, no lazing out and doing side stroke or breast stroke. (I can't even get the house elf to do the breast stroke but I digress) And today I can barely walk, I can barley lift my arms, I can just damn barely anything. Did I say OWWWWWWWWWWWW

Next...Nope I got nothing

Third...Please do not call 911 and scream at the poor dispatcher in spanish...I don't speak spanish, I understand a little but not when you are screaming at the top of your lungs. Oh and if you are a spanish interpurter, do me a favor, actually tell the dispatcher that the person screaming in my ear has been assulted with a weapon and the person is still in the area. DAMNIT, this is important information that I could really use before sending my officers into a building...How the hell this interputer got her job I'll never know but she needs to be fired. It took me 19 minutes to pry out of her what this woman was screaming when the woman said it in the first 90 seconds of the conversation.

Fourth...not still nothing

Fifth...if I don't get some relief for my back pain soon I'm gonna chop off the lower half of my body and donate it to the local pimp so maybe he can get some use out of it. The pain has gotten so bad I can't even bend over in the mornings. I had an MRI and at least I don't need surgery but will see my primary doc on Monday to discuss options. The VOX-D is looking good right now. It's like a rack the chriopracter puts you on and streaches your spine to 1) get rid of disk bulge and 2) to retard the degeneration (as in arthrits) happening in my poor little spin.
I'm thinking all those miles put in on a Harley, and just plain abusing my body when I was younger may have something to do with my current condition. But DAMNIT it's starting to effect my scuba diving and you know that I can't let that happen.

sixth...Nope still not a damn thing to blog about

seventh...my butt itches

eighth..I'm done boring you for now. Love you all, send prayers my way, I've been up and down and have slowly been going through my mom's stuff and well Fuck it's just hard. No getting around it. It's hard.
By the way..Hug your moms, dads, brothers, sisters, spouses, kids today cuz you don't know if they'll be gone tomorrow.

Happy what the hell ever day it is right now.
I'm contemplating Tequilla till I barf or pass out, or barf then pass out...or passout and barf, which ever happens first.

Betcha thought I was dead

2006-02-27T21:53:00.000-08:00

>>>>>>>>or at least you were hoping for that, but no such luck my furry friends. I'm still alive and kicking. Despite the best efforts of Police and firefighters yammering in my ear, and the oh so wonderful citizens of the city I work in trying to drive me insane and send me leaping to my death out of a basement window.

Don't get me wrong I LOVE, LOVE my new job and it's getting better every day since I got out of training. It's a continuing experience, HOWEVER tonight every damn person deceided they needed to beat the hell outta each other. They couldn't be polite enough to just shoot each other and get it over with, NOOO they have to beat the shit out of each other then act like White Trash Barbie when the police arrive and put the boyfriend under arrest for beating the female, she's standing there screaming...DON"T TAKE HIM I LOVE HIM....then proceeds to call 911 to try to have the officer arrested for arresting her boyfriend.

~~sigh~~

As Burf mentioned on her site, My dad is moving up with her, Gigantor and kiddo, this takes a load of stress off of me, as daily I worry about him. And especially with mom just passing away it's been an extra strain. It will be so good for him to be with family and with his grand kiddo. I'm happier then a pig sitting in nice cool shit.

I've felt evil that last few days. Evil like it would be amuzing to run over all the neighborhood children with my car and drive tanks into their parents houses for being stupid enough to reproduce the off spring that desperatly needs to be ran over.
The neighbors down the street have boys, who thinks that they need to jump their bikes and skateboards over a make shift ramp they set up in the street. Now I'm not one to begrudge anyone a broken arm or two in their childhood, however when setting up the ramp in the middle of the street they should realize that CARS drive down streets and they have to move their shit no matter how inconvient it may be for them. The next little shit that gives me the "you stupid old cow" look and spits when I drive by is going to find a 40 cal shoved up his ass until he's singing like Mariah Carey. Is this bad of Me?

Okay it's late, I'm off to bed. I have a headache from all the winners who needed police help tonight

Love ya all

I suck.

2006-02-13T15:23:00.000-08:00

....okay mind outta the gutter. I meant I suck at posting. Like Burfica, I've had a lot of shit in my head I've been getting through.
First off, as of last Friday I've FINALLY made it through training and am now a full fledged dispatcher without a training officer plugged into my radio critiquing me.
I'm still nervous but most people say it's a good 2 years before you ever start feeling like you might know your job. You just do the best you can day by day.
But getting through training has taken a huge load off of my shoulders, and all the uppity ups are quite suprised that I finsihed my training on schedule due to the stress I've been under.
One thing I've learned taking phone calls in a police station is that when the first words out of a persons mouth are YES, I'm a citizen of [insert city name here] you know you have a nut bag on the other end of the line.
Holy shit folks, if you are calling our police department it means 1. you are a citizen of [city], you've had a crime committed against you by a citizen of [city], you've commited a crime in [city] or you are just confused and think you are a citizen of [city]. I'm gonna get you help no matter what, so please don't think you are gonna get special treatment.
Oh and telling me you know the chief of police will make me move faster and kiss your ass. NOT!!! I know the chief of police also and regularly make him hork coffee out of his tear ducts. {Insert eyes rolling here}
Okay I promise to try to post more, but again like Burf I've got alot of shit on my mind and in my heart. I've been going through mom's stuff getting rid of what isn't needed or can't be used, and that's hard. I thought I handeled holding my mom for the last few heartbeats of her life really well but now it's kind of messing with my emotions, I know it will get better with time and I just need to let it run it's course. So thanks all for sticking with me through all this.
Hugs ya all

Home

2006-02-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

I'm home from Arizona.
We had the memorial for my mom, it was very nice and upbeat with everyone wearing purple, or little purple flowers that Burfica painstakinly made. There were alot of people there and many that were very sad that they couldn't make it because of pre-commitments. It was nice to see how mom touched so many peoples lives. The next day our cousin found a great spot for us to leave mom's ashes. I'm going to let Burfica tell the story of the eagle because she is so much better at making people see pictures in their heads with her words than I am. She has that gift. But just know that everyone at the ashes scattering knew that it was mom there saying goodbye and telling us she was okay.
It's been a very long 2 weeks, I'm very tired, sad at times and happy at others. I am happy my mom is out of pain and in so much of a better place. But I miss my best friend so much.
My hubby had a dream and she was with horses. He gets visits from the passed in his dreams so I really believe since Burf and I had not slowed down enough for mom to let us know that she is okay she had to come tell my hubby so we'd know that she's happy.
Thank all of you for the e-mails, the condolances, the wearing of purple on Saturday, especially you AZA.
All of our blogger family, you are so appreciated and so loved by both Burf and I. Thank you again for everything.
Hugs

On a side note, my chief of police says I'm not right at all cuz I told him I was back to work a couple days after mom passed cuz she was at the shake and bake and I couldn't do anything until I left for the memorial. He snorked coffee out of his tear ducts (it looked painful) and out of his nose and I think his ears then told me I wasn't right. And he keeps telling me every time he passes me in the hall that there's something about me that just ain't right so today I said well sir you are correct but you should think about who the idiot was that hired me. He said great now I know"I ain't right either"

I've been tagged

2006-01-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

I think Mike is tired of me being sad and not posting so he tagged me.
What a cheap ass way to make me post cuz he knows I can not refuse him anything he asks me to do. (HA Let you imagination run away with that!)

The rules: The tagged "victim" lists 8 different 8 different points of their perfect lover/partner, mentioning the sex of said partner

Sex: Male

1. A penis

2. A tounge

3. The ability to laugh at that farting noise you make when having hot pig sex

4. Honesty is a must!

5. Must realize that ripping off my underware only works in the movies, in real
life it's just tugging on my panties giving me a weggie.

6. Candles on the headboard during hot monkey sex is not a good thing. Hot wax
hurts.

7. You must give as much as you get. Then everyone is happy

8. Did I mention a penis

Okay I'm trying to get my snark back. Did it work?

I'm not gonna tag anyone cuz I'm not sure when I'll have time to go read blogs again. I got mom from the shake and bake yesterday and am taking her home to AZ this weekend which is where she really wanted to be. Thank you everyone for your love and support during mine and Burfica's loss. You don't know how much we appreciate all of you.

Back when I can.
Until then...for the love of God don't call 911 and say, my dog died can you come get it. We can't...Sorry.

If you linked her change it

2006-01-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

Okay guys I've been screwing with Idaho Kitten's blog and if you'd already linked her it's been changed so use my link here or at the side bar to fix yours and if you ain't been over to say hello what the hell are you waiting for damnit, get her lazy butts over there.

I miss you

2006-01-17T19:18:00.000-08:00

I miss you mom more than I could ever tell you.
Thank you for letting me hold you the last few heartbeats of your life.
Have fun with the horses you now get to ride. May the lake be full of all the fish you want to catch. Don't kick me in the ass to hard cuz we all know I need it alot.

I miss you mom

7-14-1945 to 1-17-2006

A New Kitten on the Block

2006-01-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all...I promise to have a snarky post soon, of more exciting 9-1-1 calls, and whooooo hoooooooo I made it through the 2nd phase of training, and have about 4 more weeks of training before I'm cut lose on my own. (fingers crossed I'm starting to think I may actually be able to do this job)

Anyway we have a new Kitten on the block. As most of you have figured out, Burfica is my sister, Dorko is my ex-roommate and one of my best friends. Well now I've sucked another one of my bestest friends into blogville. She is a wonderful lady (but don't tell her that she'll get a big head) with beautiful twin kiddos. They take after their mama in their looks. Cuz they are all to sexy for themselves.
So please take a gander over to the newest kitten's blog and give her a big blog family welcome. And any help and assistance you can.
MIKE AND AZA give it a week before you are peaking at her boobs okay.
Thanks all, you are gonna love kitten.

ever feel like

2006-01-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

you've been kicked in the gut and in the kidneys at the same time?

That's my life...I think the kidney feeling is because I've deceided it's time to abuse my body again and start a routine of hard work outs. Swimming, bike riding (which I've lost my ass callusos) tread mill, elepitical, and weights. I guess having my back out has made my kidneys hurt. Either that or I've got one whopper of a fucking infection going on.
So I'm walking around right now looking like a little old lady with a severe case of ostoperosis. I'm all hunched over and shuffling along.
Did I mention I hate working out. Why is it that something that hurts so damn bad is supose to be so good for us.
Damnit, I want a super-model body, I want to be able to eat whatever the hell I want when I want, I want to be independently wealthy and be able to go scuba diving where ever whenever I want and for fuck sake I don't wanna have to work for it. Whaaaaaa
Stomping foot.
Okay I'm gonna go cook something healthy since you all won't let me have what I want.
Blah

2005

2006-01-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

Okay I got this idea from Burfica who got it from Tim so I guess I'm just 3rd rate....
But I'm taking the first sentance or so from the first post of every month of last year. Let's see what I bored you all with last year.

Jan ........and think...Gawd what happened to me I used to be kinda cool.

I looked in the mirror this year and thought the same thing...what happened to the tequilla guzzling, harley riding sex pistol of yester-year..However this year when I looked in the mirror I was quite drunk..

Feb.......hmmmmmmmm I love darvocet or any other pain medication for the matter.

Mind altering drugs especially when told by the Dr are needed are still a favorite.

Mar.......can anyone tell me what day it is.

This was when my mom was so sick and we thought she was dying, however I've seemed to said this very line alot over this past year.

Apr
Holy Moly the lake was colder than a mother bunny humper this weekend. Hmmmm does anyone have any idea how cold a mother bunny humper is?

Well can anyone tell me how cold a mother bunny humper is? I'm still waiting for an answer

May
I had a great post all ready and now I can't remember and it's all Burfica's fault...she went and was nice to me damnit.
She couldn't go and post on how I used to hide my rotan cigar box full of illigal drugs in her underware drawer so that if mom found the stash she'd get in trouble not me. (ha the joys of setting up your 7-year your junior sister) or how I used to knock her around for entertainment when there was nothing good on TV. Now my reputation is totally ruined.

However when Burfica tells you I tried to run her over I'm denying it. I was just going down to the burger place to get us something to eat.

Jun
......What the hell do you mean "were you gone Alekx"
POUT

I hate it when nobody misses me.

July
First off I'd like to say to anyone that happens by my humble blog (okay so humble and Alekx are not words that should ever be in the same sentance)

I've humbled alot over this year I think. But I'm still want to say thank you to all our soldiers past and present for everything they do for us.

Aug..........I'm back from Arizona; Happy and sad at the same time. I'm so happy to be home to my handsome hubby and starting the sex on all the major appliances.

This is when I helped my best friend of 20 years move back to Alaska, knowing I won't be able to see him in person for quite some time. I miss him wicked, thank god for the phone, but it's just not the same.

September.....I'm still alive I think. Not that anyone cares, but I think I'm still alive.

I'm not sure this is true. I think I might have died in September but my body just hasn't caught up yet.

Oct
So I'm still wandering around the house drooling and bumping into walls and funiture....If one of you got some paddles at different areas of my home you could wiz me around like a human pinball. That could be fun when I'm naked. Or it could be scary depending on how much you like me naked.

Any Bets that Mike is gonna have a comment about me being naked?

Nov........That would be things other than sour candies, bitter mellons (which my mother in law loves to cook with. Just make me gag and puke at meal times) and the sour apple puckers liquor (which makes you forget things when you do to many shots of this stuff)

This was my things that make you pucker post. And hearing someone in a empty warehouse at 4 am will still make your butt hole pucker up to your ears.

Dec.........A Ft Worth city police officer was shot in the line of duty while serving a warrent. The suspect shot him in the head and he has just passed away.

Wow that sucks to start the last month of the year with such a sad post. Please keep all our officers and their familys in your prayer or good thoughts.

Here's to a new year of blogging, making new friends, keeping current friends and re-uniting with lost friends.
I'm glad I'm part of your blogging family even if my posts and comments are sporatic.
I love ya all.

Yummy.......

2005-12-27T11:48:00.000-08:00

wow...if any of you have been contimplating getting one of those rotesserie ovens that you see on TV. You know the one that says set it and forget it. Get it. This thing makes the best Chicken, and for Christmas I made a rib eye roast and holy medium well done beef batman how good can life get. This thing is worth every single penny you pay for it.
However when you take the fat that drips off of the meat (which is a good thing because now it's not being consumed by the humans) but when you take that fat and mix it with the dog food. It's your own damn fault when you can't stay in the room because the 100 plus pound dogs now have beef fat farts. I think I have brain damage.

I hope Santa was good to all of you this year. He was good to me and to the house elf. I got all kinds of Scuba gear that I've been putting off buying. And a HP photo printer so I can print out some of those underwater photos I take. The house elf got scuba gear and he got an SKS rifle. and we both got a ton of other stuff. Burfica, Gigantor and kiddo got us this awesome dragon sculpture. I have to open it and look at it.
While Chirstmas was nice Mom was here from the nursing home and she just wore my ass out. I don't know how the nurses and aides do it. We are trying to open gifts and I'm trying to cook and mom is I need to stand up, I need to sit down, I need to go to the rest room. I need a drink, I need some coffee, I need to stand up I need to sit down, I need to go to the rest-room, I'm hungry, I need to stand up. And yes she is not able to do things herself, so I had to do it all cuz I'm not going to have the house elf take her to the restroom blah blah blah. So she came at 10 am and by 10 that night I couldn't move I was so tired. I love mom but thank god for nursing homes cuz I'd have to smother her with a pillow if she lived her 24-7.

Yesterday as the rest of my Christmas present we went to six flags over Texas and rode a bunch of ride. I've been wanting to do that since I lost enough weight to finally fit on the ride. We went on the Titan, what a friggin' scary roller coster. I was screaming the whole time. I thought the house elf was laughing at me for screaming but when we got off the ride he looks at me and goes
Hunni!!
Yes Dear says I.
He goes. I was screaming like a little girl locked up in prision with a bunch of big black gay guys as my cell mates.
I about fell over on my wobbly legs when he told me that.
I was so amuzed I had to call Burf and tell her that.

Okay I'm off to take down the Christmas tree and get ready to go back to work. Blah
Leave me a message about your Christmas and tell me what Santa brought you.

How Inconvienet

2005-12-22T07:20:00.000-08:00

is it that I wanted to go out to eat on Christmas day so I didn't have to cook and EVERYWHERE that was open last year isn't this year. Not one damn place can I find open for me to be lazy. Damnit! I can't understand people who want to say home on the holiday instead of going to work for my satisfaction. I'm so selfish.

So off I go looking for a rib eye roast to cook in my "set it and forget it" roterisser cooker. (quit telling me I've spelled all these words wrong I know it damnit, but I've been working all night and I don't care.) Don't cha know I'm expecting to pay a pretty penny for a rib eye roast and lo and behold I find a store with them on sale. I saved 40 bucks people....whoooo hooooooo.
Now I can set it and forget it....make a simple carrot salad, poo foo (yes miranda you take a tub of cottage cheese, a tub of whipped cream, a pack of red jello and a can of drained pineapple chunks mix it and you have poo foo) mixed berry muffins, deviled eggs and mixed green salad and I'll have a pretty lazy dinner, oh yeah I'm gonna make the famous cream cheese--whipped cream (mixed all togheter and poured into a graham cracker crust) pie for desert. So I guess i can pull this off.

Christmas shopping is DONE!! All gifts I mailed have been received by the receipients, (my best friend in Alaska couldn't wait to open his so he's already using it.) Damn if it didn't cost more to send the gift than to purchase it. Damn having to ground ship through Canada..Blah.

After tonight I'm off work for 5 days. How lucky is that. Apparently I started at the perfect time and ended up with a crap load of holiday pay that they have to burn up on me before the end of the year so I end up with 5 days off including Christmas. Very lucky for a newbie, but I gurantee it's not going to happen again for years to come. :-)

Okay I'm off to bed kids.

What A Day

2005-12-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

First may I say, the phone booth is GONE, and I think I miss it. How fun it was to tell people I had a phone booth in my garage, now I can't say that. Bummer! I guess the enthusium the house elf had about it was kind of infectious. But he got a rifle from the cousin in law so he's more estatic about that than the phone booth. I can't wait to take him out shooting it (cuz I want to shoot it too)

Yesterday was off to see King Kong. I've always been a King Kong fan and found this one very good. I didn't once get bored through the 3 hours of it. I was a bit disappointed in the CGI in some of the parts. I hate when you can see it's obviously CG. I like to belive it's real. So in a couple areas it was disappointing because it looked fake, but overall it was the King Kong love story and quite enjoyable.

I had work today. Things in training are coming along. My confidence is building and it's starting to feel like I might (I hope) make it through training. However what the f*&K is it with this time of year. Everyone seems to think that because it's Christmas time they can beat the shit outta their wives, girlfriends and kids. Choking seems to be the thing this year. Christ, makes you wish that the officers could just shoot these assholes on site, but that'll get all the liberals screaming and it'll just get worse if we shoot them as well. (Bummer)

I'm going to again beg you all to look up your local non-emergency police/fire phone numbers and program them into your cell phone. 9-1-1 is not for you to call up because the neighbors dog is barking. I understand you can't sleep and it's making you cranky, but when you are bitching about the dog, there is a lady on the other line who is having a heart attack asshole.
When we came back to the guy with the barking dog he acts like we just sentenced him to death. (wishful thinking). So PLEASE PLEASE use 911 for emergencies and get the non emergency number for the other crap. (Of course I know all of you are smarter then the idiots that call up all night long.)

Happy Sunday everyone. Send me good vibes. I'm off to Wal-mart to pick up a few things and you all know how that is this time of year. If you never hear from me again you'll know I was killed in the stampede.

What is it with Men

2005-12-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

and your gagets and just having to HAVE something that you absoultly do not need?
This weekend I finally had a Saturday off, which is something that has not happened for like 6 months, the house elf and I went out and about enjoying the warming after all the damn sleet.

What do I spy but a moving sale sign. Moving Sales are the best you all...you can get some awesome stuff at great prices. So in we turn to check out this moving sale. Unfortunatly it was pretty well picked over, so I look at the house elf and say okay lets go. But he had this glazed over look on his face. I waved my hand in front of his eyes but alas no response. Anyone married knows this is a danger signal, it means they have spied something they CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT.

Cringing inwardly, I start to follow his gaze, noting his dazed expression wondering how much foot stomping I'm gonna have to do to convince him he doesn't need whatever it is that has caught his eye.

Following his gaze I see a 10' tall metal something. Confused I look at the house elf and again at this metal monster, and back to the house elf.

Then I hear it...

It's a phone booth he breaths....a real phone booth. Again confused I look at this metal "thing" and my husband disappears into it. And he was right it was a real life, real size phone booth. The old kind that you actually walk into and it has a bench and a phone and when you close the door a fan and a light comes on. The same phone booth that superman changes into his superhero cloths. Now I'm having visions of my hubby in blue tights and a red cape. While my hubby is the best looking guy on the planet, I just don't want him having a gay moment in tights and a cape.

Right away I start snapping my fingers in his ear....saying NO hunni, NO we are not getting a phone booth. I finally break through the trance he's in and he gives me that look..the one where you feel like you just beat a new puppy. My heart broke but I had to stand strong, then he gets this look on his face and grabs his cell phone and runs.

My coniving little hubby calls my cousin's hubby, a very charming Mexican fella, and they conspire to buy this phone booth, and suddenly it's a done deal.

Banging head on a wall...WTF are these 2 going to do with a friggin' phone booth. Guys...any insight why you all have to have these gagets?

Happy Monday everyone

What the hell...

2005-12-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

...just happened around here?
I woke up this morning and it was 12 degrees. This is friggin' Texas..and it's 12 degrees. My nipples aren't sure if they should be standing out doiong that pokey thing against the shirt. You know that thing that turns the guys on so much or just reverse and head inside to stay warm.
It spent the entire day sleeting yesterday, I couldn't even leave the house.
When we bought this house we were told that there would be a slight incline, by the builders, however nobody ever said that the slight incline would mean needing to have mountain climbing equipment to get up the damn yard or driveway, so when it sleets you can't leave the house because the incline is so severe you just fall down and slide down to the curb. I guess it saves time instead of walking down to the curb. It's the fucking getting on your hands and knees to get back up to the front door that sucks.

So it's cold and the dogs are loving it, so they wanna go outside, then they realize it's cold outside then they are whinning to come back in, then they realize it's cold outside and they wanna go outside to play, then they realize it's cold outside and want to come back in. If they weren't bigger than I was and could kick my ass I'd just knock em silly for acting like this.

Speaking of pets, when my mom moved here we brought her 18 year old cat with us. I figured this damn cat would be dead within a month making such a major move, but Nooooooooo kitty is in better health than my mom is. However she's going a bit insane in her old age. She will walk into a room and sit down, look around just blinking with this really confussed look on her face then she'll start YEOWLING at the top of her lungs like she's dying. As soon as you talk to her and she realizes she's not alone or where she is then she's fine for the next 10 or 15 minutes then we go though it all over again. But she can find the food, the water and the litter box and she loves to come get petted so she's not in any pain but damn with this constant meowing, some days I'm just thinking Die already damnit.
Does that make me an evil person.

Okay since I just finished putting up the tree and decorating it I guess I have to go wrap some christmas presents now. Besides Burf, Gigantor and kiddo would probably appreciate it if I get their crap in the mail.

Have a warmer day than I am.

pile of shit

2005-12-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

.....no that's not my life today, even though I realize that's usually the drift of life around this house, but nahhhhh not today, just some random stuff to say.

I passed my phase 1 training at the new job and am on the way Sunday morning to phase 2. Hell if I'm not careful I might even become a real police dispatcher...oh wait public safety dispatcher cuz we do police and fire.

Last night was fun, a fire alarm and water flow alarm at a nursing home, poor old folks got evacuated in 30 degree weather. At least the firemen got the old folks back inside quickly then as soon as most of the firemen cleared from that got a call for an apartment on fire. Some asshole was burning their candles right next to the drapes. Okay I realize it's the season to be jolly but folks lets not make it the season to be burnt to a crisp and homeless. So please watch your live trees, don't set flamable items next to the fire place and for the love of God don't 1) overload the extension cords with all those purty christmas lights, and DON'T leave candles burning while you are in another room.
What else, ohhh there was the lady with the stolen truck, but it was stolen by her husbands friend who had a door key to the truck cuz her husband had just been arrested and this friend had just got outta jail....Oh and by the way there is no ignitation key cuz we had to use a screwdriver to pop the column so we could start it. hmmmmmmmm I've got two words....LOSER and LIAR.

Dallas/Ft Worth is under a severe weather warning, the sleet is already starting, the roads are already icing and it's gonna be a mess, because unlike me, who admits I can't drive in this crap and if I have to, will be doing 2 to 5 mph, but the people around here will be out driving like it's the Indy 500. Idiots. I feel sorry for my officers on the road tonight with the jerks.
It's already friggin' cold out and I wouldn't let the house elf go to work. He doesn't have a job that someone's life is in his hands. I told him log on from home and work from here...so he's fixing the vacume cleaner instead. Good house elf.

The officer that was murdered was burried Monday. Saturday another officer was shot several times. He's going to make it but this now makes 2 officers killed and 3 shot in the last month. Life is not good around here.

Okay Al Roker is on TV and he's being an ass....Gawd somedays he just needs to stay on the food channel and eat his way into death.

Don't forget Mike's over at I'm not touching you is having a little chat get together this evening. He's got all the information on one of his posts at his site. If you haven't visited his site yet get yer ass over there, he's witty, funny and hot as hell and I'd do him without him even begging.

I'm off for a nap then I guess I gotta put up the christmas tree and stop being a scrooge.

Another Falls

2005-12-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

A Ft Worth city police officer was shot in the line of duty while serving a warrent. The suspect shot him in the head and he has just passed away.

Hank Nava per all the write ups was a good officer and died doing the job he loves. People are so quick to dog on police officers and to bad mouth them. But let me tell you all, it's a fucking war on the streets, and the assholes and drunks that these men and women have to deal with every single day make them heros.

A friend of mine was telling me he couldn't understand why an officer always realeases their thumb strap and has their hand on their weapon when making a traffic stop. Well that officer never knows when the person in the car is gonna try to shoot them. If I were still on the road I'd have my gun stuck in the face of everyone until I knew if they were a "bad guy" or not.

I'll be honest I don't have any patience for anyone that has bad things to say about police officers. I know there are some bad cops out there. They are humans after all and there are bad folks in all walks of life. But in general they are out there putting their lives on the line every shift they work. And for mostly their lives are on the line for a society of idiots that have no respect for the officer or for anyone else for that matter.

I'm proud to be part of a police department and my rule is to bring my officers home alive at the end of every one of my shifts.

While I respect everyones view points, if you got something bad to say about the police don't do it here or now.

I just feel sad about this today

Recovered

2005-11-29T06:18:00.000-08:00

.......I've recovered from my fall into alcholism. How is it that family holidays can send us sprialing down into the depths of teeth gritting, hair pulling, drowning in the bottom of a bottle, please just kill me now dispare.

I guess in some ways it's hard to accept people at their level. There are things about my in-laws that just make me go What the Fuck. As Many of you know 3 years ago I had gastric by-pass surgery and have lost the equilivant of a Dallas Cowboys linebacker. (yay me) Now realize my bro in law and my mom in law live 7 (yes count them) 7 houses down from me. So it's not like they don't see us on a uncomfortably regular basis. So you'd think in this 3 years they would remember at least once that I DO NOT EAT sugar, fried food, buffets, high cholestral food and most meat (it makes me puke). But every single time that we go to their house, or that we go out to eat with them, it's always the same every time. All of the stuff that I don't (not only don't but can't my body won't let me) eat, then they get all bent out of shape because I won't eat or if they ask me if I liked the resturant, (when I've sat there drinking just water) and I tell them Hell no I don't like it..I couldn't eat. It turns out to be my fault. ~~sigh~~

Well shit I meant this to be some snarky post about my brother in law and turned into a friggin' rant. I'm starting to sound like a candy assed panty waist whimpy girl.

I'll end for now and try again later.

A Day of Ones

2005-11-25T07:10:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a Great Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time with yourself or each other.
I'm wore out.....it was a day of ones.

1 Turkey cooked
1 Ham Cooked
1 Pot of stuffing
1 Loaf of Fresh Bread
1 dozen deviled eggs
1 pan of mixed vegetable casserole
1 bowl of jello/whipped cream/cottage cheese salad
1 bowl of mixed salad
1 Husband
1 Cousin with Husband
1 Brother-in-law (driving me friggin Crazy)
1 Mother-in-Law (driving me more crazy)
1 Mother (Driving me even more nuts)
1 bottle of wine drank
1 more bottle of wine drank
1 more bottle of wine drank
1 Kahula and cream consumed because the wine was gone
1 Double Kahula and Cream consumed because the first one didn't quite get it.
1 Hellashious Hang Over currently being suffered.

Please don't get me wrong I love my family...In Laws included...but bringing my mom from the nursing home and she was in one of her moods, so she was needy and whinny, then the mother in law is the very traditional Catholic Martyerisc type, so she was doing the breast beating..I'm such a bad person, bad mother routine all friggin' day. And the Brother in Law is just self centered and selfish. The Husband, cousin and her hubby were the only sanity in the day.

Oh Speaking of Brother in Law....He from hence forth is going to be dubbed PORKER.
I realize that the Holidays are a time of over abundance and to enjoy eating but I think Porker took things just a bit to far. Now remember there are 7 people here eating....But Porker walks in and polishes off well over half the deviled eggs even before anyone started eating. So now everyone else gets like one apiece. This starts out pissing me off right away.
He then gets his plate and loads on 2 very thick slices of Ham, and 3/4 of the turkey that was carved. So Hubby couldn't eat cuz he had to carve more turkey for others to eat. He then took half the stuffing, half the jello salad and 3 slices of bread. In less then 15 minutes he was back for a Leg and Thigh of Turkey and 2 more slices of ham and 2 more slices of bread. Oh yah he's now waxed off half a pot of baked beans as well. In another 15 minutes he comes back grabs another slice of ham and 2 more slices of bread. (Of course every one else has now had to have just 1 slice of bread or half a slice with someone else cuz he scarffed it all down) Then he comes and is bitchy because "everyone" ate the deviled eggs, so I lost it and jumped his shit, and he uses his standard line..."Well I didn't know that was all the food." Bull shit asshole..there are 7 people eating, I made more than enough food for 7 people to eat, but you are so selfish and self centered and spoiled that everyone had to get out of your fucking way for fear you'd eat their hands off.
Arughhhhhhhhhhhh fucking family holidays are the best aren't they?

God I hope my Husband wisks me away to somewhere like Tahatii for Chirstmas.

Hope you all had a wonderful day with your families.

9-1-1 Calls

2005-11-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

........You can tell it was Friday night

Call.....My boyfriend beat the shit out of me but I want to go home to him...Can an officer come over and tell him not to hit me anymore? (**Stupid Bitch)

Call....I was parked at the Peter Piper Pizza and left this guy I just met in my car while I ran inside to get something and when I came out he was gone with my car (**This woman needs a seat on the retards short bus)

Call....Send an Ambulance my 16 year old son just zipped his penis up in his blue jeans and we can't get it out. (**Sorry guys I know you are winching on this one)

Call.....We need an ambulance my boyfriend found a syst on my pussy and now I know why it hurts to walk. (**I wanna know how the boyfriend found it and did it pop when he found it....Oh shush you all already knew I was a sick puppy)

Okay the sun is up so it's time for me to crawl into bed.
Night all

As Boring as Burfica

2005-11-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

Sooooooooo I've been racking my brain for 3 days for some sort of snarky post, and I got nothing....I mean NOTHING, a big fat ZERO
I'm still trying to figure out what happened to that Harely riding, tequilla guzzling, sex addicted slut bomb I was of yester-year...And now here I sit a professional, driving a consertive SUV and have a Kaluha and Cream every now and again for my "big night out" Gahhhhh what happened?

I can't even share any of the exciting stories from work with you all right now, well because all the good shit is still with the detectives and not for public consumption.

However I do have to say this to all of you. Please look up your police departments non-emergency number and program it into your cell phone and home phone. DO NOT call 9-1-1 to bitch that a stoplight is way to long and you are going to run it if someone doesn't make it turn GREEN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. This is not a valid emergency call. Neither is calling to say your neighbors are having sex to loud and you can't sleep.

However I'm sure the officers were quite thrilled to go tell that apartment that they'd have to tone down their moaning and sexual exploits so the neighbors can sleep.

I was going to go blow up some targets today, but I guess letting the house elf go have boys night out a couple weeks ago is the only extra activities we can afford for now. So being the boring person I am I get to hang out and do laundry, vacume the floors, and maybe watdch a netflix movie...Oh fucking joy...I can hardly wait.

I've got to buy more porn to masturbate to if I'm gonna be stuck at home.

Oh wait...that would entail extra activities, so I guess that's out.

Happy Whatever day this is to all of you.

I'd forgotten

2005-11-11T12:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've worked in the law enforcement field, and after several years I guess you just forget how stupid some people are.

Yesterday I had my orientation and met most of the day officers and Sgts. Went over to the jail on the tour. At least I remember why I never wanted to be and still don't want to be a jailer. There were 2 guys peeing on the floor and 3 wacking off. And it's only a city jail. Blah

Then you get the idiots that get pulled over on a traffic stop and think they can fool the officer by giving a false name. Like there isn't a nice guy or lady on the other end of the radio looking all your shit up. So yesterday were several arrests.

I start official training tonight at 11pm. whooooooo hooooooooo a friday night after the bars close should be a pretty eventful evening.

I've received 8 of the about 200 manuels I have to read so I've been doing that. I'll be in official traning for the next 12 weeks then on to get all the certifications I'll be needing. I'm really glad I made this move. I'd also forgotten how much I love working in law enforcement.

Hopefully there'll be some good stories after this weekend

Night all..I'm off to bed. No snuggle partners either ~~sigh~~

Last Day

2005-11-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

.........Oh stop doing the happy dance, it's not the last day I'm going to be posting on this blog, you are still stuck with me.

It's pushing Midnight and it's gonna be my last day as a Security Officer...Kinda...as the supervisor is trying to get the head of Corporate Security to allow me to stay on one or two days a week. I guess I've made an impression. I'm sure it's my work ethics, my skill as an officer, my sparkling personality, or maybe it's just how my boobs look in uniform. Whatever the reason the supervisor has asked me to call him with my schedule before I even consider turning in my uniforms.

So Thursday is my first day at the new job. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. But you know I'm so perfect I'll just rock at the job. he he

I had very little sleep this weekend. The house elf deceides he's going out with the boys on Saturday night. I worked Friday night midnight till noon, so I was tired. But he felt the need to slam around the house until close to 5:30, I finally fall asleep and for what ever f'ing reason his brother feels the need to call her 3 damn times at 10 minutes till 7. So now I'm up and his brother can't understand why I'm upset.

Sunday the brother shows up just as I climb into bed and thinks it'll be funny to harass the dogs through the bedroom door getting them barking. I leap out of bed, slam open the door and proceed to knock the brother into a wall informing him if he makes so much as a squeek on the floor while walking I will beat him to a bloody pulp. I think he finally figured out I was pissed and sleepy.....DUH

Okay since I'm sitting here blogging naked I better go climb in the shower.
Anyone want to jump in and wash my back.

Things that make you pucker

2005-11-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

That would be things other than sour candies, bitter mellons (which my mother in law loves to cook with. Just make me gag and puke at meal times) and the sour apple puckers liquor (which makes you forget things when you do to many shots of this stuff)

.......so anyway last week I'm working, running around pretending to be a real live security officer, and we get a call from the alarm company that we have an unidentifiable alarm going off. So me being miss brave head down to the warehouse, because we've had alot of false alarms (which is the reason we have this group of o'so cute alarm technicians working there but that is a story for another day).
So into the warehouse I go and wander down to the area the alarm was reported from. Nothing, no audible alarms, no smoke, no fire. So I do what I normally do. I find a dark corner and stand quietly for 2 to 3 minutes to just listen. This usually just ends up me standing at a pillar peaking at my watch and listening the moans and groans of the warehouse. 2 am and there's not much to listen to in this place.

About 1 1/2 minutes into my litte routine I hear very distentivaly shoes running across the concrete. I freeze thinking "Holy Fuck did I just fall asleep standing here and dream that?"
So I shake my head and stand there a bit longer and suddenly I hear "shhhhhhhhhh" then "Oh SHIT" and running again. Let me tell you, at 2 am in a totally empty warehouse that will make your butthole pucker up so tight you'll never poop again.
I unassed the A.O. in a pretty quick manner, called the police department and had them come do a sweep of the warehouse with me. We found one door unlocked, in an area we had left unarmed for the contractors to be in working in the next morning. So I'm figuring that some kids jumped the fence and found the door open and I scared them and they ran off.

However that will get your adreline pumping for the rest of the night. Now of course everyone else is saying I heard ghosts so I'm getting quite the ribbing at work. No big deal it's all in fun.

If an alarm goes off tonight however someone else is hauling their ass down to check on it.

How secure do you have to be?

2005-10-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

...How secure in your manhood do you have to be in order to drive a Bright floresent Neon pepto bismol pink Lincoln Navigator. The entire car, not highlights or pin striping but the whole care being this gawd awful color

I kid you not I was driving home and seen this car pass me. Complete with Fuzzy yellow dice on the rear view mirror.
I even took my shades off 3 times to make sure that I wasn't seeing a color that actually wasn't there..Nope it was worse with the shades off.

So guys how secure do you have to be?

I'm not secure enough in my womanhood to drive this car.

How friggin' Stupid do you have to be

2005-10-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

.........How friggin' stupid do you have to be in order to be a parent.

I can't belive the stupidity of some people. In today's world and society would you as a parent, with all the child preditors out there, would you put a sticker in the window of your vehicle, with your child's name, school, team and uniform number on it.

DUH FUCKING DUH idiots. Then you go crying and whinning when something happens to your kid. I in know way condon any crime against children, but I mean if you are a parent and you are advertising all this in your vehicle that you drive all around many towns telling everyone your childs name and how to find them, what the hell do you expect.

Same with blog land. I love my blog family, I love to read about the families and daily lives. But why would you post your childs name, sports teams, your town and state, their PHOTOS for christs sake. I mean you read about me, how I will be working at a police department. Am I telling the truth? Am I really a upstanding member of society that belives in laws, the police and the American Way. Well yes I actually am, but do you know that for sure?
It's easy enough to get my information and find out I'm not to much of a freak. But who else is reading your blog. Who else is looking at your vehicle with this advertisment on it.

Grow some brains parents....please be smarter with the welfare and innocense of your kids.
I'm tired of watching the news with a child being kidnapped, raped, murdered, and I sure am not looking forward to taking those calls when I start my new job.
Help me out. Don't make me have to take those calls because you aren't smart enough to protect your kiddo.

Finally

2005-10-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

After all the weeks you've all listened to me whinning about job hunting, getting jobs, hoping for a new job that I really want. I'm happy to report that I got THE phone call from the police department this morning. 300 applicants, 1 position 8 weeks later and I have a start day in 2 weeks.
So after doing a peliminary interview, filling out a 30 page back-ground invistagation packet, a oral board interview in front of 4 of the top folks at the PD, a live senerio exercise, 1 physical, 1 drug screen, 1 polygraph and 1 physc test later I was the top person. 1 in 300 I think is something to be quite proud of.
After I got the phone call I thought I better go tell my Supervisor and give him 2 weeks notice but then go to thinking that I've spent the last several hours making the man's life very miserable.

I work with this other lady, she is very good about finding people stealing cell phones from camera footage, and I happen to be the person that finds sleepers. Like our contract guards. So last night of course one of the contract people were sleeping so we called the LT at 2 am to tell him. Then passed it onto the contract supervisor.
So I have this guard pulled up on camera, and when my supervisor came in after 30 minutes I tell him you might wanna go over there cuz the guy is asleep again. Sure enough he was. I as well as my supervisor hates sleepers. DAMNIT I don't do it, I just can't understand anyone who sleeps on the job

Then we had a complaint about this contractor (electrication) guy who was giving one of our officers a bad time. Bullying this little 80 year old man, telling me to F off and other profanities.
1) You do not bully or threaten one of my team mates
2) You do not bully older folks
3) You DO NOT BULLY the father of the man hiring me at the police department

So I spent several hours with video footage finding this to be something pretty regular, so I complied all the evidence for the Lt and for the contract supervisor. ~~Sigh~~
So why the hell would you have a good paying job, be brought from out of town and paid all expenses for the out of town trip and then act the fool like this? I just don't get people.

Then to top it off another officer came in this morning while I was compling evidence, assumes I'm getting evidence against someone else and starts yelling at me that I have no right, that this guy is a long time employee and blah blah blah.
1) I never get to know people on a site I work security employees or contractors
2) This way I can always look at evidence objectively
After listening to this fellow officer bitch and moan I finally told him to get the hell off my post and get to his own damn post. So he screaches his tires out of the gate then starts calling the Lt. every 10 minutes to bitch about me and things he feels I've been doing.
The LT finally had to tell him to shut the hell up, as nothing this guy was saying isn't anything that the Lt hasn't been told by ME. DUH

So since I made my supervisor have such a bad day, and all this before 8 am I figured I wait until this next morning to ruin his whole week.

I start the new job on Nov 10 at 0800. Thank you everyone for the positive energy vibes you sent my way.
I'm sure as a public safety dispatcher there will be decent stories in the future to come.

What a Week

2005-10-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

...........so as we know I've been working the midnight shift doing Security. But I've had a application with one of the local police departments.
Tuesday morning I get a call from the Sgt asking if I can meet with the Assistant Chief of Police that day.
So once again not having slept off I run to the meeting where they give me a conditional offer of employment. I just have 4 items to pass. A physical, a drug screen, a polygraph and a physc test.
I've done the physical and the drug screen on Tuesday. I've had to run around and get copies of a prescription. I had horrid back pain last Sunday and had like 3 darvoct left over from the dentist back in Jan so I took them on Sunday and Monday. Of course this makes my drug test come up positive. I had tossed the bottle and didn't have it so the doc at the screening test acts like I was out buying pills on the corner. So I had to get some paper work showing the jerk that it was my perscription. Sheesh. That doc isn't back until Sunday so the PD won't have an answer on that until Monday.
Took the polygraph on Thursday, the examiner says that he's never seen someone come so close to flatlinning a polygraph in all the years he's been doing it. He thought I was dead except for the cuff reading my pulse and my breathing.
Today I took the physc exam, I didn't hear anything so I'm assuming I passed it. We'll see. Hopefully on Monday or Tuesday I'll get the permanat job offer.
Kids when they told me the pay grade I almost fell out of the chair. This city really takes care of their public service employees.
Wish me luck kids this is something that I really want!!!

?

2005-10-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

So what do you do when you are just to tired

.......to sleep
........to care
.........to keep trying

So what do you do?

How the hell did that happen

2005-10-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

........so I've had like 4 hours sleep in the last 3 days. (Yes Mike I'm still drooling, but I'm telling you it's you not the lack of sleep hehehe)
Yesterday I've finally hit that good REM sleep, you know the kind where you are having wet dreams and you ain't gonna wake up just have that sleep orgasim and move on to the next dream. Well I've been in this state maybe an hour..and the frigging phone rings.

It's the house elf. "Honey I'm at the XYZ car dealership and they said I can't trade my truck in for this little Scion I want"
Me: Kasnargle, narf, hork, gunaff
House Elf: Okay call me when you get dressed and are ready to leave for XYZ
Me: Kasnuff, gagly nokum shdly...
House Elf: I love you too

What the Hell I've just missed out on that great deep sleep orgasim, I've had one hour of sleep, I have to be to work at midnight and I have to go to XYZ car dealership for I'm not sure what.
Fuck it..I get dressed and off I go to the dealership....somehow 5 hours later and me almost being late for work we've traded in a HUGE Dodge RAM pick up that takes $75.00 dollars in gas a week for a cute little Toyota Corolla that looks like the gas will be much much better.
I'm not sure what happened, I don't even know the color of the car or the color of the interior. I think the outside is green. I think I test drove it last night...I'm not sure though...

I think I kept everything safe and secure at my job last night...I was kinda out of it.
So I guess when the house elf gets home I'll go look at the car we bought.
Holy shit remind me not to answer the phone anymore and just stay in my happy little erotic world.

Human Pinball

2005-10-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm still wandering around the house drooling and bumping into walls and funiture....If one of you got some paddles at different areas of my home you could wiz me around like a human pinball. That could be fun when I'm naked. Or it could be scary depending on how much you like me naked.

As you can see I'm still trying to get used to the damn midnight shifts. But I would rather work nights and not be around the STUPID people that seem to inhabit the daylight hours.

Holy shit there is this new girl that was hired. What a fucking moron she is. We ended up in training togehter on Monday so me being the wonderful nice person that I am invited her to sit with the rest of the security personal so she didn't feel left out. Sometimes I'm such an idiot, and should be hit in the back of the head. She was at our table for exactly 15 minutes before I was chewing off my own arm to get the hell away.

What is it with 20 something years old that THINK they have been there and done that. EVERYTHING bigger and better than anyone else, and you can tell when they open their mouths that they are so full of SHIT. This chick is one of those. She'll start talking and all that falls out is BS. Then you call her on it and she gets huffy because of course even though you are 20 years her senior and really have been there and done that, she is the only one that knows anything.

One of the things that spilled out of her garbage hole was she was talking about applying for 9-11 dispatcher. (you guessed it, the one that I'm in the final running for) And she is at the table talking to me, and 2 other officers (both retired police officers) and she's talking about how she went to the oral board interviews but she didn't pass the board. (She got a 2.8, I got a 5.8 and was told I passed with the highest score) But then she proceeded to tell everyone that the police department told her they were not going to hire anyone because they liked her so much they were going to hold the position until she could re-apply and they could help her pass so they could hire her. DAMN I guess I have NO chance to get hired there now eh. What do you all think should I give up my hopes of being hired? Since after all the PD is going to hold off until they can hire this woman.
And when she told this story about the PD holding the job both retired police officers horked coffee out their noses. I think I'm going to have to get them sinus surgery now. Hot coffee...scorched sinuses, blisters on the insides of their noses. It's an ugly ugly site.

Gawd DAMNIT I hate stupid people

Okay I'm done bitching...I'm leaving now.

Zombie in my home

2005-09-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

........ever seen Shawn of the Dead. I've been walking around my house like one of those zombies. The head cocked off to the side, drool running down my chin, lurching around going ughhhhhh....uhhhhhhhhhhhh....accccccckkkkkkkkkk (hairball in the throat, I guess I shouldn't have eaten the cat)

I know Burfica all updated you on our mom being in the hospital yet again so I won't bore you with that info. But the day she went in the hospital, I had worked all night, went straight to the hospital, then later that day had a level 3 interview with one of the police departments I've applied for. All the time this is happening mine and Burf's cousin, God Bless her soul, is packing her van and heading this way to help, knowing I have to work midnights.

Okay for the level 3 interview, here I am bordering on about 20 hours without sleep, I've worked all night, been at the hospital all day and am almost late for the interview. Get there on time, go in and they are running 30 minutes late anyway. Sit in the waiting area trying to keep my eyes open. Finally get called back and it's a board of 4 people. The chief of police, the assistant chief, the head dispatcher and a LT of communications. I right away apologize and explain the situation and let them know that I may have to ask them to repeat a question. They are like no problem.
In the middle of the interview, the assistant chief is asking me a question about my computer degree and his cell phone starts ringing. The chief looks at him and goes my GOD man that rude. The Assistant is like I KNOW I can't get it to turn off, then he goes well maybe the computer wiz over here can help me turn it off. (Rembember now by this time I'm on 21.5 hours without sleep) So I look the assistant Chief right in the eye, just as serious as you please and say "Chief....that would be the little button that says O...F....F.....
It gets quiet in the room, and I'm thinking OH FUCK I just blew it....then suddenly the Cheif of Police starts cracking up, then the Lt was lauging so hard he actually fell outta his chair. WHEW...that actually got me a higher score, as they said dispatching is so high stress that one needs to have a sense of humor.

No real excitement at the security job as of late, but I do work with a father of one of the Sgt's at the police department and I got word that as long as my background check goes through, I'm going to be offered the job.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Later I'm gonna go try to read some of your blogs

Op...I got no verbal abuse for you today...I'll work on it though