Bodily Functions
What is is about bodily functions that so entrals us as a society. Especially the male counterparts in our society. Is it some sort of badge of honor to see how many innocent bystanders you can get to start making gagging retching noises as they in total ignorance are woofing down their big macs or slurping up their Starbucks coffee.
You can see it happening in these places. People innocently standing in line. Soon their noses begin to crinkle. A few brave souls look around trying to figure out where this green toxic cloud as arisen from. Small children are beginning to keel over from the lack of oxygen at their level, and you spy one couple. A large man, usually with a tee shirt reading "reformed trailor trash" on the front with a big sloppy grin on his face and his poor wife who with the 18 rug rats in tow is giving him a "I can't belive you've done this in public AGAIN" look. By the time you identify this couple the attack sirens have gone off and homeland security has been moblized thinking the McDonalds on Main street is under attack by a radical facist group. In the mean time the patrons of said McDonalds are all gagging, turning several alarming shades of purple, throwing up into Ronalds lap or just plain passing out. Lucky them that by shutting down their brains they no longer have the on-slaught of the attack of the killer fart.
During all the turmoil, you see the big guys sloppy grin turn toward his bewildered wife and he gets a very little child look upon his face and says in a very endaring tone "I farrrrted"
There is an understatement numb nuts. You have just made extinct every living small furry creature within a 5 mile radius and this area will never again be fertil for plants to grow. And the McDonalds will of course have to be demolished and one of those little radiation signs posted that this area is off limits for the next century and a half.
Finally, the family is released by the authorities to enter back into society, and Mr. Flatulance now has to invite all his buddies over to share in the days farting exploits, said buddies are all sitting around drinking beer and eating hard boiled eggs thinking this is the funniest thing in the world. However after 2 or 3 hours of this the beer and hard boiled eggs kick into the lower intestines and you can hear the rumblings start..then the dreaded sound, and prevading smell coming from the den...and thus it begins again.
Hark are those the attack sierns going off in the distance. Since this is the 4th time this week I'll put on a pot of coffee for the poor homeland security folks. It's gonna be another long night. At least this time the mob in the den didn't try to light said farts and get 2nd and 3rd degree burns from their asshole hair catching on fire. But alas that is a story for another day
You can see it happening in these places. People innocently standing in line. Soon their noses begin to crinkle. A few brave souls look around trying to figure out where this green toxic cloud as arisen from. Small children are beginning to keel over from the lack of oxygen at their level, and you spy one couple. A large man, usually with a tee shirt reading "reformed trailor trash" on the front with a big sloppy grin on his face and his poor wife who with the 18 rug rats in tow is giving him a "I can't belive you've done this in public AGAIN" look. By the time you identify this couple the attack sirens have gone off and homeland security has been moblized thinking the McDonalds on Main street is under attack by a radical facist group. In the mean time the patrons of said McDonalds are all gagging, turning several alarming shades of purple, throwing up into Ronalds lap or just plain passing out. Lucky them that by shutting down their brains they no longer have the on-slaught of the attack of the killer fart.
During all the turmoil, you see the big guys sloppy grin turn toward his bewildered wife and he gets a very little child look upon his face and says in a very endaring tone "I farrrrted"
There is an understatement numb nuts. You have just made extinct every living small furry creature within a 5 mile radius and this area will never again be fertil for plants to grow. And the McDonalds will of course have to be demolished and one of those little radiation signs posted that this area is off limits for the next century and a half.
Finally, the family is released by the authorities to enter back into society, and Mr. Flatulance now has to invite all his buddies over to share in the days farting exploits, said buddies are all sitting around drinking beer and eating hard boiled eggs thinking this is the funniest thing in the world. However after 2 or 3 hours of this the beer and hard boiled eggs kick into the lower intestines and you can hear the rumblings start..then the dreaded sound, and prevading smell coming from the den...and thus it begins again.
Hark are those the attack sierns going off in the distance. Since this is the 4th time this week I'll put on a pot of coffee for the poor homeland security folks. It's gonna be another long night. At least this time the mob in the den didn't try to light said farts and get 2nd and 3rd degree burns from their asshole hair catching on fire. But alas that is a story for another day
posted by Alekx @ 10:33 AM
1 Comments:
At 11:08 AM,
Burfica said…
hurry pass the gas mask!!!!! do you have that number for homeland security??? hehehehehe
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