Things I'd never thought I'd say

This post is kinda dedicated to Aza's beautiful fiance.
When we first get engaged, life is a whirlwind, we feel romantic, we feel IN LOVE and nothing our soon to be spouses do can ever be wrong because they are so damn cute and cuddly and perfect. This lasts for about a year, then you start realizing you are saying phrases that you never in your life thought you'd be saying or hearing your adorable little cuddly fuzzy bear say to you.

1. Stop picking at my tits that is not romantic

2. What just crawled up your ass and died

3. If you fart that dead thing again you are sleeping outside (or walking depending if they think farting in the car is funny)

4. I'm making you an appointment with the doctor, that smell coming out of your ass can't be good or normal.

5. Jesus Christ did you eat road kill for dinner

6. Please stop picking your head and eating the shit you find up there.

7. Hunni If I didn't make gravy for dinner, that spot on the counter isn't gravy, it's dog food.

8. Stop wiping your boogers under my car seat

9. Please pull your pants up and stop showing your butt crack in public.

10. Please stop rubbing your nose on the pages of my new book.

Things you never thought you'd hear your spouse say to you.

1. HUNNI!!!! Come look what I left in the toilet for you.

2. Don't wash those they are still clean (Note: usually said about week old underware)

3. That fart snuck out.

4. I have to take a shower, my balls smell like ass

5. That's gonna be itchy when it dries

6. I don't think that one was a fart.

7. Hunni come smell my finger

8. My poop looks like it's own island

9. But a vacume cleaner is a good birthday present

10. Sniff my feet and tell me if they stink

Ahhh the joys of marriage.
I'm so happy for Aza and his upcoming nuptuials.

Any of you have any items to add to this list I'd love to hear them.