More adventures of weddings

Okay so I forgot what friggin' day I got married! Who cares, sheesh with the anniversary Aug 20 something and my birthday Aug 27, the house elf thinks this is one gift giving opprutunity* anyway...Grrrrrrrrrrr

Soooooo August 20 something in 1999 (I think) we, as in the house elf and I, not you and I folks, get married, having this great middle ages style wedding, lots of swords, viking spears, flaming hamsters and sacrificing of vestiual virgins. You know the whole works. (Disclaimer: The catholic priest was not thrilled with the flaming hampster thing)

1st I'd like to say that NO I did not remember the converstation with my sister about the 2 months of A's and the 21st as I had the worlds worst cold of my life and was all drugged out on multiple cold remedies. Dayquil, nitequil, jack daniels, stripping fluid..the whole works so I'm not even sure I acutally got married.

I do remember during the ceremony at some point (A full catholic wedding even with the hampsters and sacrifices) I looked over at Burfica and in my best whispering voice which of course from the snickers in the church I'm sure carried, looked at Burf and go....So are we Fing married yet or not..I'm confused. ~Sigh~ I think this was after the priest said I pronounce you man and wife, but didn't say you may kiss the bride (that came at the end of the mass you all) so I didn't know what the hell was going on.

After the whole reception thing where I was kidnapped by a middle ages household and my new hubby had to dirty dance with about 35 ladies to "get me back" (that's a whole nother story in itself) we head out to Tombstone AZ to stay in a authentic western style "bordello" (Dont' ask me how the fuck we went from middle ages to authentic western I don't know damnit) Upon arriving at our "honeymoon suite" I've discovered I don't have any shoes to wear (Including the shoes I had with my wedding dress I still don't know where they are, and I don't have a decent shirt to wear AND I have at least 35 frigging pounds of birdseed in my boustiee..damnit no wonder the crows were circling us. AND I'm coming down off my drug induced High of cold medicines so I'm also having DT's...
Having a wonderful house elf he went out and purchased us a wonderful dinner and brought it back to the room where we were quite romantic and stuff..

Most of our wedding guests were leaving the next day back to their respective homes, so we planned on meeting everyone for breakfast and sending them off. Burf and I kept calling our Dad to tell him what time and where to meet us. No damn answer...SHIT did he die in his sleep or what, or did he take home a hottie and they hid the phone in the shower...
I head over to his house and he hadn't been home all night, strange cuz my dad is obsessive about his cat and no way would he not have gone home to feed the cat.

We call the last place he said he was going the day before, and our friends out there are like nope he was here but he left at like 1 AM to go home. I asked them to drive their road as they live in the boonies. 5 minutes later we get a call saying they found his car on the side of the road but no Dad anywhere to be found.
Our friends coordinate a quick local area search party and take off hiking in the general area looking for the now defunked father. I make a call to the Sheriff's department who had a call about someone stumbling down the middle of the highway in the general area around 2AM so now the Police are looking for a body on the side of the road "just in case"

The local search and rescue said because he was an adult they wouldn't send out a search party for him, so I had to pull out all the stops...Tears but he's got high blood pressure and diabeties and he doesn't have any of his medication. So that got them singing a new tune and off went full search crews looking for my wayward father.

Now mind you it's August in the AZ desert so it's like 114 degrees outside (in the shade people, in the shade) As the day drags on and on and still no dad things are looking pretty grim...lots of tears on mine and Burf's part..lots of anger cuz Dad is a Marine and a retired Arizona Highway Patrolman and HE FUCKING knows better than to leave your vehicle in AZ in the summer so of course we have the worst thoughts possible.

Finally we get a call from the search crews at about 7 that night them telling us they found him, so Burf and I rush out to the area they told us doing about 120 mph (thankfully the police all knew me from my stint with the Military police) and we didn't get a speeding ticket and there is dad sitting there a bit sweaty but not to much the worse for wear.

Apparently his truck broke down and he deceided to hike back to our friends house but before hiking back toward their house he downed like 8 bud lights (since he wouldn't drink and drive he figured drinking and walking would be okay) and headed off in the direction he thought there house was. His first clue he was going the wrong way, is when he fell in a 8 foot canyon and knocked his silly ass out, when he came to he was not all with it and walked for about half an hour before going Ah Fuck now I've done it I'm lost. So being the Marine he is he heard the river flowing (shut up there are a few pockets of water in Arizona) and knew the river led to the RR tracks and the tracks led to the highway and he could flag someone down from there, so off he went drinking river water all day (icky) until HE found the search crew, not them finding him.

Burfica had the best line I've ever heard...there was this little chickie all day long that was going around crying and making everyone be worried about her..saying how she'll be so sad if something happened to dad, blah blah blah, fucking drama queen, it was our dad after all. So when we get there to get dad, she is there, and she looks at Burf, tears in her eyes, saying you know I love you dad too...and Burf in all her glory looks at this girl and says, that's nice but I loved him first so just go away.
Man that line should be in a movie.

Anyway ladies and gentlemen that is how I spent my first day as a married woman

Next installment should be "the day I tried to run Burfica over with my car"


*However last year he pulled a fast one on my getting me a new camera on our anniversary and the underwater housing for my birthday. I wasn't sure how he turned one gift into two so therefore couldn't be peeved at him. Damnit anyway