Why Alekx should never wax and buff the floors

.......so after the big set up that Burfica did to me on the day she was actually married. She came back to AZ and shortly after I moved back up to the little shit hole town she and mom live in.
We then began to plan a "real wedding" for her and Gigantor. Being the ever so tight asses that we are we began the bargin hunting and decorating ourselves etc etc...We deceide to have the wedding at what is called the town house (where we used to hold all the discos that mom, uncle, burf and I used to throw once a month)
Anyway the place had kinda gone by the wayside of drunken homeless Navajos in the area...Them using the BBQ's as toilets etc. After having the city clean up the general area, we begin the transformation of making this little hall into a truly western setting since both Burf and Gigantor are cowboys.

Sooo I figure I'm gonna make the floors ever so lovely for my baby sister and went off and rented a floor buffer..and proceeded to strip the floor...clean up all the scuff marks and put several layers of wax with a good buffing in between each layer of wax. Folks you've heard the addage you could see your reflection in the floor. well that was my floor where my lovely little coniving, sadistic sister was going to say her vows for those of us who were not invited to see her get married was going to take place. boys and girls this floor looked like a mirror smooth lake it was so purdy...

Well as the big day approached, and we were moving tables and chairs into the hall...this Alaskain style freezing rain/blizzard hits..so who catches pnonimioa or something, making everything perfect for the kid. ME THAT'S WHO, chilled to the damn bone I tell you.

Then...the evening before the wedding...we deceide "something" is missing to make this setting look like a real cowboy/prarie style sceene. So off to the desert we go to start pulling up tumble weeds and other styles of weeds that looked really cool mind you and then back to the hall to put them all about making it look like a real desert, old time cowboy area. PERFECT I tell you...Right up until a few hours later where many of the people are now covered in Calidril lotion becasue of the HUGE HIVES that are covering their bodies. OH GOOD LORD this is half the wedding party..Funny as hell...

Now being a real western wedding, after FOREVER of being out shopping we Burf, mom and I had finally found the PERFECT western boots to wear with her wedding dress..White and sparkley and just plain purdy boots. after making sure they fit and went with the dress we put them away in anticipation of the big day.

Now the big day has arrived. Burf is in the ever so large bathroom changing..Our Father is pacing up and down in front of the bathroom waiting to "give his baby away"
we give the high sign that the bride is ready....the ever so lovely lady on the organ begins the wedding march (after we attendents get up to the front.) Looking back toward the bride she comes out of the bathroom and takes my fathers arm and they step out onto my oh so very gorgous waxed and buffed floor........................and I see her eyes go as big as man hole covers....People I didn't know your eye sockets could expand to that damn size. I then see her whispering out the side of her mouth to my father who's eyes are also quite large...
I look down and Burf's feet are not moving at all...and my father is shuffeling along DRAGGING Her down the aisle...
People this is when I almost lost it...I realized that the floor was VERY VERY VERY slick and we had not scuffed her boots so they were also mirror smooth causing an effect like a small greased pig running from children trying to catch it for a prize.
I then realized that my father is in brand new dress shoes and hand not scuffed his shoes either.
So after she gets drug down the aisle, slipping and sliding to her groom...we all at different times had ot hold her up so she didn't go sliding past the preacher and right smack through a wall.

All of this while trying to convince my 4 year old cousin that now is not the time to keep pulling her dress up over her head and her little leotards down to her ankles.
All in all it was quite an entertaining ceremony

And this ladies and gentlemen is why you should never allow me near your floors when you have some sort of formal ceremony.