Alekx's rules of Driving

Thank you Papa for bringing this blog to the forefont of my mind. I had been thinking about it for awhile but keep forgetting to acuatlly do it.
I have a few basic rules of driving...
but first nobody take offense to any slurs that may be made as they are not racial or anything like that..be aware I'm married to a short Asian man (I'm 6'1" and he's 5'3") My seconds dads are a gay married couple, one of my best friends is black and I used to weigh close to 500lbs so I can cover all the bases in a fun way. Remember blogging is for fun and entertainment.

Rules of Driving

• He with the more expensive vehicle will give up the right away
• Car or SUV verses Semi---Semi wins
• Any vehicle including Semi verses Train----train wins
• Motorcycles never win when verses anything...
• ---with the exception of pedistrians...as anyone on foot verses moving motor vehicle...pedestrian loses.
• If he or she has blue hair and looks like the social security check just came in and they are driving...they ALWAYS have the right away
• If they are female with slanted eyes, everyone else for safety concerns should give up the right away
• If you can only see a tuff of hair and hands reaching up to the steering wheel, you should always give up the right away as they can't see over the dashboard anyway
• Little tiny Asian men in a great big Dodge Ram quad cab pick-up have the right away cuz they are making up for their short stature..(yes Hubby has a brand new Dog Ram quad cab)
• He with the beat up old car and a Nascar sticker in the back window is just plain nutso and thinks they have the right away at all times as they are pretending they are that nascar driver.
• When in Arizona in August, he with all 4 windows down driving wildly has the right away because they have no air conditioning and a continued forward momentum is a matter of life and death. Stopping means you begin to cook like you are in your oven...forward motion means it only feels like a furnace sandblaster.
• If she is putting make-up on while driving..gives other drivers every right to rear end her as hard as possible then leave the scene of the crime..hoping that the damn mascarra brush is firmly embedded in her eye or left nostril.
• He with the double cheese burger in one hand, french fries sticking out of the mouth like used cigrettes and the choclate malt in the other hand driving with thier knees should be shot and put out of everyones misery...(but then McDonalds would go out of business)

Speaking of double cheese burgers..has anyone heard of the new Hardie's cheese burger...it's something like 2 1/3 lb patties, 3 kinds of cheese, mayo butter and so on...it's like 1400 calories....OMG and people are going to flock to this burger then wonder why they can't lose that last 5 or 10 or 20 lbs...

More scuba do's and don'ts

1. Do as a divemaster always make sure your air is turned on. It's embarassing to be with a student get 20 feet down and realize you have no air...trying to find another dive master to turn you on so the student doesn't know what Stupid ass thing you just did.
2. DO not use that little hose that connects to the air flow as a way to get your buddies attention. It tends to make your buddy want to stomp on your head or pull their dive knife on you.
3. Do not forget that you have your regulator out of your mouth at 40 feet and inhale...it causes choking..however I found found that you CAN puke in your regulator with no adverse effects. YUCK
4. If an octupus turns a very very bright blue..it's about to ink all up in your face..probably a good idea to leave it alone for a few minutes
5. Crabs and lobsters really will pinch you if you mess with them..and it hurts like a mother.
6. DO not stick your hands into coral crevices...there is usually something in there that doesn't want your hand in there and will bite you
7. If you conk a Remora on the head with a spear pole they will spiral down into the depths like someone whose parachute did not open.
8. If you use flash on a sleeping puffer fish it will blow up to about 8 times it's size...then if you shine a flashlight on it..it glows like a disco ball..but we would never harass the wild life in this manner on purpose.
9. This one is serious for those of you thinking about becoming scuba divers....and you will learn this. NEVER NEVER hold your breath while scuba diving...always breath..holding your breath can cause you to blow up a lung....
10. Morey eels do not like to have their tails pulled so you can get a better photo of their heads sticking out of the coral...they will try to bite you

Okay enough for today...hope you all enjoyed.