Dogs, cats and bird

You all I by far and away have to have the dumbest pets in the world. I swear they are all dumber then boxes of rocks.
I have 2 dogs, (well they are actually horses that bark) A Rottweiler (named Blade) A Shepard/Lap/Pit mix named Casper, 2 cats that are about the size of the dogs...Spook and Smudge and we also have an African Grey Parrot named Manuk (That's Philippino for Chicken which I find quite amuzing)
My dog Blade I rescued from an abusive household. The third time the woman doubled up her fist and hit this dog in the head I told her she better give him to me or I'd dump her mutilated body down a mine shaft...(A few things spark me to vioence, abusing animals, little kids and old folks that can't take care of themselves) Well the woman took me serious and gave me the dog. My hubbys' dog Casper he got from a homeless man in San Francisco. Now most people think Rottweilers are attack dogs..Actually they were bread in the city of Rottweil Germany to pull milk carts as there were no horses to do this job. So these dogs always need a job.
Blades job is to keep every living thing out of the back yard...birds, frogs, grasshoppers, earthworms. So he spends his time outside leaping around like a kangaroo, literally hopping from one end of the yard to the other (what a retard) Casper thinks his job is to supervise Blades activities, so he lays on the porch with his head bobbing up and down as Blade goes hopping by. (usless as boxes of hair I tell you)
This is the extent of the outside activities that is other then the monster poop piles that you can imagine Big Dogs make.
The indoor activities include all ball playing, the two 100+ plus mutts having their wrestling mathes in the middle of the living room. Blade loves to stomp right in the middle of a sleeping Spook Kitty. She'll be sound asleep minding her own business and Whomp...Blade plants both front feet right in kitties gut...It's so pathetic to hear a "ooof in a meow sort of context"
My mother in law makes blankets to go on top of our bed spread so the stupid dogs can sleep on the bed when we aren't home. Blade sleeps on my pillow and Casper on the house elfs pillow.
Man when I die I want to come back as one of my dogs.

The cats are totally anti social. They are sisters from the same litter so feel they don't need much human interaction except for the food cabnit. Every once in awhile they will come around to get petted but try to pick them up and snuggle them on your lap and you get 20 stickers from their feet firmly embedded in your thigh. Hmmmmm wonder what kitty roast tastes like.

The bird..don't even get me started on her. She has become my hubby's bird and HATES my guts. I go near her and she hits the floor wings out in a I'm about to be eatten by a Hawk gesture screaming at the top of her lungs. WTF with that. However all the words and phrases she says (the good ones anyway) are in my voice and influctions...She says things like Kisses Mommy...I love you...Pretty baby girl...Hello (when ever the phone rings) She also rings like the phone and I mean exactally like the phone. then when you answer the real non ringing phone she goes hello and starts laughing. She also can make the noise that the house alarm makes when arming or disarming it. So I never know if it's armed or disarmed.
Unfortunatly she also farts and burps like the house elf does. And she's picked up some irritating whispering voice that my mother in law does. I keep thinking about making parrot stew since this bird hates me so much but then I remember how much money we spent for her and figure at least my hubby has a play mate...at least until my 8 year old nephew gets here.