Diving Live Aboards

Well Manny and I are getting ready to set sail again on another live aboard diving cruise. We leave Tomorrow to fly to Miami and then set sail to the Bahamas.
I'm thinking I'm not the most brilliant fish in the ocean. There have been what like 4 hurricanes hit the Caribbean and Flordia in like 24 hours (well okay weeks but still) and we are going to tempt fate and get on for God's sake of all things a sail boat. Hmmmmmmm a device powered by wind...hurricane ='s wind...maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all.

All our gear is packed. The trip is paid for..there is something to be said working at a scuba shop...you get lots of specials and shop incentives. Whooo hoooo... But don't you know...that time of the month has hit. So now here we go off to the Bahamas, and there are sharks in the water..mind you I'm not scared of sharks but I do have a good healthy respect for them, and it's that time of the month. If you never see another posting here it means that one of those black tip reef sharks came up to me with a big smile on his face holding a fork in one hand and a knife in the other and I'm now happily part of the eco-system.

I can think of better ways to go then as shark kibbles and bits but hey what the hell...I can think of worse ways to go as well. Like crashing into the side of a mountain in a firey ball as the airplane plummets to earth. (Again not scared of flying but the firey ball thing gives me some pause)

So this trip should be intresting as everyone on board will be dive store owners and or operators who are checking out this cruise to see if we are going to book future trips with the company for our customers. I'm seeing a ton of ass kissing from the crew (a good thing I guess) and a ton of strutting and preening by the other dive operation owners...(a boaring thing.) Have you ever seen a 60 year old man with a beer gut strutting around like he's Adonis...it's quite comical actually...Sighhhh sometimes in our love for diving we forget the years have caught up with us and to be honest nobody looks sexy in neoprene and with a regulator hanging out of your mouth.
There is a reason why Playboy never does any scuba diving photos of their models.

Okay here is to happy sailing, awesome diving, many adventures and not ending up as fish bait

Relitave Pressure

So just becasue one has taken a openwater scuba certification course does not mean that one paid attention during class or actually learned anything.

So picture this...a gentleman (if you can call him that) walks into the shop. He kind of looks like the comedian Larry the cable guy...stocky, plaid shirt with the arms cut off, blue jeans, engineer boots and a CAT tractors baseball cap. He says Howdy in a decesivly redneck accent. Don't get me wrong I'm redneck at heart but this boy was oozing it all over.

He says I seem to have the problem when I'm cleaning my swimming pool. I'm under the water breathing and I am getting very very dizzy. Of course we are all assuming he is using Scuba gear as he is breathing under the water, and he has mindlessly ventured into of all places a scuba shop. We are all a bit worried that he may have gotten a bad tank of air and begin to question him.

Well now boy and girls this fella takes off his cap with one hand, and scratches his balding plate with the other, and says well I'm not using a tank...I have a 30 foot garden hose that I take down and breath out of it and my wife is on the other end blowing fresh breaths into it.

Okay for any one scuba certified and who paid attention to relitive pressure as well as the weight of air. First we know that in order for him to actually get fresh air through this garden hose it needs to funnel upwards getting larger as it gets toward the surface as this fella even in his pool is at about a .5ATA so he is breathing under pressure. The top of this hose will have to be about 2 to 3 feet in diameter for him to actually get any fresh air.
Trying to keep straight faces it is explained to this guy that first as he takes a breath he gets a bit of air from the hose..then as he exhales he is breathing (what do we remember from 8th grade science class boys and girls) carbon dioxide into the hose which probably travels about 2 feet up the 30foot length of hose, then he inhales this carbon dioxide right back into his system. In the mean time his wife is on the surface blowing (wonder of wonders) more carbon dioxide into the hose, which luckly due to the length of the hose probably isn't reaching him anyway. He's got enough problems of his own at the bottom of his pool.

After explaining all of this to the man, he looks a bit confussed, his eyes are most definatly glazed over trying to think it all through and says in that loving very redneck accent..Well I guess I could cut the hose down to about 15 feet. Many of us at this point had to walk to the back room as we were having relitive pressure issues of our own turning multiple shades of purple trying not to laugh in this poor innocents face.

The shop instructor and owner then just looks at him and says well sir you could do that but the shorter the hose the dizzier you get. The fella looks up and says really...so should I get a longer hose again (insane laughter is emmitng from the back rooms at this point) The instructor says well you could certinaly do that but I think it is likely that you will pass out and drown at the bottom of your pool.

Larry the cable guy then asks well how am I supose to get my pool clean. At which point he was told to go home, drain all the water, take a wire brush at the stroke of midnight and clean one inch at a time.

My friends. I think the police were called to the residence of this man as he was draining his pool...
So much for the pool cleaning.
Moral of the story...Please don't use a 30 foot garden hose to try to breath out of in order to clean your swimming pool...

comments always welcome..if you find this amuzing please pass it along to others.

Why is it

Okay so have you every noticed that no matter what is going on during your day. That zilch will be happening...No body will come into the particualr business you are working at..the phone will not ring and you can barely keep your eyes open from total boredom, but the minute you hop into the restroom and get your pants around your ankles, suddenly the door chime is going off multiple times, the phone starts ringing and people are standing at the front yelling "Hello is anyone here"
Don't you just want to yell back..WTF couldn't you come in 5 minutes ago..but NOOOO you have to wait until I'm at a point of no return.
So this seems to be one of those points to ponder in the great adventure mystery that we choose to call Life.
Any thoughts????

If she can do it so can I

Okay, so if my computer retard sister can do this I guess I can too.
I guess the real proof will be in the post. If it works I'm still computer smarter then she is...if it's not anywhere to be found then nobody will ever know and I can still pretend to be computer smarter then she is. And I'm not the one that used exploding tomatoes...hehehehe
So here I am at the scuba shop hoping someone will come in cuz it's BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG....and one can only play so many computer games before starting to go insane.