Busy busy busy

May I just start out by saying that jelly fish season in the Caribbian sucks. I have jelly fish stings all over my hands and neck. I didn't realize I got nabbed so badly until a few days ago.
The jellyfish season is thimble jelly fish which don't sting you but they congergate for breading so the larva are what actually sting you. Good lord I look like I have measels I have so many little dotted stings all over my hands and neck. Then to top that off with the fire coral burns, what a trip it was. When I say I earned my dive master rateing, Baby I got the scars to prove it.

Summer is officially here. It's hot hot hot...in the high 90's and low 100's. I know the men are enjoying the warmer weather, as this is when the girls begin to shed the long pants and high necked shirts, sweaters, jackets and figure covering clothing. I know the men enjoy this time of year becasue you see so many of them with neck braces on. It's like as soon as a girl shows a bit of cleavage and some leg the men whip their heads around so quick and hard for a good look at the reveling cloths that they give themselves whiplash. Of course us girls don't help the poor guys out at all by the shorts that show a good portion of ass, shirts that reveal cleavage and bellys. How can the poor boys help themselves. But now their dry cleaning bill skyrockets from that embarassing little wet stain right in the front of their pants. But what a compliment to know that we have that power over them.
Ahhhhhh I do so love it when the weather starts to warm up.

Okay...I may not be around again for a bit after this. I have to get ready to go pick up Burfica and the kiddo and bring them to Texas. I'm going to take a bit longer to get their as I'm going to stop and see my daddy, and some friends on my way up wisk away the two of them for their summer fun.

I'll miss you all...I can't wait to see the rude and sexually charged comments you'll leave me while I'm gone. Be creative or I'm going to be disappointed. And if I don't get a least one good cum stain on someone's pants I'm really going to be hurt. So be sure to have some fun at my expense and comment away you all...comment to each other. Hell have a little party. The bar is open and drinks and whip cream are on me.

See ya soon
Love ya all

Back to Reality

Well......I always hate coming back from Cozumel and having to go back into the world of reality. The island has it's own time, pretty slow moving and laid back and baby I'm all about those siestas. Holy shit, this country has it right. You get up early, work for a few hours, then in the middle of the afternoon you take off for the express purpose of RESTING and NAPING then back when it cools off for a couple more hours worth of work. What the hell has happened to us in the USA, gawd we are so wrapped up with work work work work, no wonder we spend our free time killing each other. We can't handle the damn stress.

But alas back to reality I am, but what great memories as always. We got to Cozumel on Monday and checked into the hotel and immediatly went diving with a great guy by the name of Gabrille and seen things like splendid toad fish, a juvinal pipe fish and just the overall beauty that is Cozumel. We spent the next 6 days diving, diving, napping, diving, eating and drinking. Did I mention that we were diving during those days. Oh come on people if you don't know my passion by now you never will. We saw tons of sea turtles, I have some great photos of sea horses and pipe seahorses. Several nurse sharks and puffer fish, sea stars, drum fish, spotted eagle rays and one of my favorite photos of a sail blennie that was all poofed out at me telling me get the hell away from my home you big bubble blowing slut face human. (Stop yelling at me damnit I will post photos soon) I have the pics down loaded but I don't want to use the damn hello software so I need to get a quick and dirty website up and running so you can go and leisurily check out the photos on your coffee break, lunch break and mastrubation break.

OhhhOOOOoooOOO, **Proud Look** as regular readers know, the house elf and I have been working diligently toward our Dive Master certification, it's been a long, stressful, hard road of learning but as of Monday we are no longer Dive Masters in training, we are now official Dive Masters. Whoooooooo hooooooooo.
We finished up our last 3 skills with a friend who is an instructor while we were in Cozumel. However while finishing up our skills the house elf and I have something for you to add to you list of "let's not ever do that again"
We were doing a timed 800 meter mask, fins and snorkle swim. Well we are swimming away side by side pushing each other to go faster and faster so we'd get a good time. We were so busy looking at each other we weren't looking ahead of us and suddenly out of no where (well it was there all along we just weren't paying attention) there is a HUGE and I'm talking of bibicial porportions HUGE stand of Fire Coral which I had just enough time to say AH FUCK before a wave crashed me into it. As I got ready to push off to minimize damage to myself and to the coral reef right where I was going to put my hand was like 4 sea urchins, which if I had put my hand on them would have lit my damn day right up with a hospital visit. So I got slammed a 2nd time into the fire coral. I'm here to tell you all that the key word in this is FIRE...Holy shit that stuff STINGS like a mother, not just stings but makes your skin feel like it's being burned to a crisp on your bones. It burned for about 7 hours even with a nice vingar soak. (which helps with coral and sea life stings) But what the hell it's a lesson learned. The lesson being to watch where the hell one is going and don't crash into fire coral because damnit it hurts.

Okay all...I'm so glad you missed me and I'm glad to be back, even though only for a week, because I'll be leaving again and heading to AZ to pick up Burfica and the kiddo for them to come spend the summer in Texas with the house elf and I.
If I don't get the photos up soon I will post a couple teasers for you all to drool over.

P.S. I missed you all too belive it or not. I thought about everyone while I was gone.

Hugs...

Home safe and sound

Hi all...home safe and sound...exhuasted but had a GREAT time!!!!!!!!!
Will post tomorrow hopefully with full details.
I missed you all.
Hugs

Gone, outta here..see ya...bye bye

I'm outta here for a week suckers (I mean my adoring, worshiping public) I won't even fool you into thinking I'll try to post from Cozumel. The only time I'll be near this computer is to download the photos I take while diving everyday.

I'll miss you guys and will be back on the 16th but not on the computer until the 17th or 18th.

Try not to miss me to much however if you'd like to play with yourselves whilst fantizing about me feel free my darlings.

Hugs
Maybe next time you can meet us on the island.

Alekx

Okay I was tagged by Dorko and whilst I don't do these much this one kind caught my attention so what the hell.
I'm not gonna tag anyone but if it looks fun to do then TAG go do it. Sheesh do I have to hold your damn hand for everything. Just read then do it if you want.

The object of this exercise is simple. Pick five from the list and complete the phrase.
Feel free to add additional occupations after you’ve done yours.
Pass it on to others. (You just can NOT pass it back to me… tag backs are strictly prohibited!!!)Silly? Yeah. Fun? Of course!
The List:
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-ride (by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate (By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner (By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent (By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer (by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep (by laine)
If I could be a masseuse (by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver (by Brian)
If I could be a priest (by Brian)
If I could be the Sherrif Of Nottingham (Karen)
If I could be a dancer (Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus (Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show (Dawn)
If I could be a magician (Dawn)
If I could be a railroader (Dorko)
If I could be an Artist (Dorko)
If I could be a Trainer (Dorko)

If I could be a priest: I'd try my hardest not to sexually assult alterboys and the society of Mary ladies every Sunday (I know I know I'm going to hell for that, I'll meet you all there cuz you laughed damnit)

If I could be a Hooker: I'd either be a great catcher of fish or my hoo ha would be about 14 inches in diameter cuz all the boys would want to pay for this hubba hubba hunk of burning love (done in my best elvis presly girlie voice)

If I could be on a reality TV Show: I'd be on surivor, and I'd win a million dollars cuz I'd be the only one left after eating the competion. No really I'd eat the competion, after all food is scarce and one needs their protein from somewhere...and there you have a whole tribe just laying around waiting to be your Golden Coral buffet dinner. Yummy See I'd eat the competition cuz I'm cranky when I'm hungry damnit.

If I could be a missionary: I'd be fired and sent to be on Surivor becasue I hear pygmies are good with a little salt and lemon juice

If I could be a crack addict: I'd sit around all day smoking outta my stylish test tube pipe and play with myself until I had to get up and go rob the closest bank or ATM in order to get more crack and KY jelly...HEY playing with yourself all days drys you out and causes a rash if you aren't careful people.

Okay that's it for me for now.
I'll post later
Happy Friday
(PS 2 1/2 days until Cozumel...how o how will you live without me for a whole week)

I have to throw up

okay I have to throw up AGAIN
But I'm to lazy to walk to the back to the restroom to urp so I'll just sit here and be miserable.

Ah the wonders of gastric bypass surgery 4oz stomach and issues with my gall bladder

BUT DAMNIT I'm going diving!!

Slimy Squids

I found this over at Aris_Ravencroft's site
Leave it to me to become a giant squid
Funny since I feel kinda slimy today anyway.
Ewwwwwww to much info right.

Alekx is a Giant Squid that will turn back into a Human in the morning, has an Extra Head, carries a Flamethrower, and is Covered with a Thick Slime and Blind. Strength: 6 Agility: 1 Intelligence: 11 To see if your Giant Battle Monster can defeat Alekx, enter your name and choose an attack: fights Alekx using StrengthAgilityIntelligence

At a loss

I had a great post all ready and now I can't remember and it's all Burfica's fault...she went and was nice to me damnit.
She couldn't go and post on how I used to hide my rotan cigar box full of illigal drugs in her underware drawer so that if mom found the stash she'd get in trouble not me. (ha the joys of setting up your 7-year your junior sister) or how I used to knock her around for entertainment when there was nothing good on TV. Now my reputation is totally ruined.

However on the note of those damn boots. I have to admit I was very close to a panic when we found the size 12 boots in the closet. But all things worked out, well up until the point that she stepped out onto the newly waxed floors.

The house elf has retuned safely from his jaunt with his family. He made some new friends which is good. He tried to stay away from his mom and brother as much as possilbe. I guess his mom is back on the tirade that he (the house elf) needs to be nicer to her because she is dying. For the love of all that's holy of course you are dying lady..we all are. Conception is a fatal undertaking. That is the only thing in life we ABSOULTLY have to do and that is die. (None of the stupid comments about and pay taxes because you don't HAVE to pay taxes) So anyway it just gets a little tiresome.
Neither his mom or his brother are really talking to me since they got back. I guess me being upset that I WASN'T fucking invited along on their little excursion gives them cause to think I'm being ridiciously selfish. Screw it. Other than the fact they are the house elf's family and I don't want stress with all that mess I could care less.

Gawd I wish I had something to write about instead of being better than a sleeping pill cocktail and putting you all to sleep. (Though this may be good for Kitten since she doesn't sleep) I supose we could have a rousing discussion about female masturbation but I'm scared if Saby were to show up that could be hell on his little heart, and then Op and Ho would just get "stuff" all over their keyboards then they'd want me to send em money to replace it..

5 days and a wake up until Cozumel. I can not wait to get into the water. I'm about to crawl outta my skin like and alcholic with DT's. Have to start packing tonight. Yes I'll be packing this early as mine and house elf's gear is what our lives depend on, so we pack early, checking all the O'rings, seals (not as in baby seals that you beat over the head with a baseball bat, but the seals on the gear) computer batteries etc. It's a big job getting ready for a week of diving. BUT I CAN NOT WAIT.

I'll leave you with one of the best cut downs I've had hurled at me in a long time. Now I am the queen of one liners and cut downs. Just ask Burfica, (we actually share the throne) But working in a biker bar you get real good at one liners. And I HATE it when someone gets one up on me but this particular one I'll share. The drummer from the Charlie Daniels Band (Like the Devil went down to Gerorgia Charlie Daniels) was in here last week. Ladies his name is Pat McDonald and what a drop dead gorgous babe he is. (Not as cute as my house elf but oh so handsome for any of your single girls out there) Anyway he was giving me a bad time so I used one of my regular lines looked him in the eye and said okay buddy no more blow jobs in the back room for you.
This man oh so gently looked me in the eye and said well baby that's okay cuz the last one wasn't very good anyway because I had to GRAB you by the ears and show you what to do.
You all I was speachless. I've since come up with about 80 very cutting comebacks but all I could do was stand and stare like a retard when he said this.
Touche' Patrick..just wait until you haul your sorry ass back here...Victory shall be mine asshole.

Okay someone tell me what they want my next post to be about so maybe I'll be more entertaining.