Stupid People

Okay 2 blogs in one day...it has to be a record for me anyway...

Why are people such MORONS...I mean damn people. I'm sitting in my little retail Scuba Store happliy playing with depth gages, and snorting compressed air. Next door to this little scuba shop is a defunct Ice Cream shop. Rumor has it the owner of this shop was having a little to much fun with his high school hired help, both male and female so one day he is serving single and double scoops to the old blue hair ladies with polyister pants that are way to tight, the next day he is gone.

While this is all fine and dandy as I don't eat ice cream that isn't sugar free (no comments about that please) the fact is there is a BIG closed sign on the front door, there is also an evicition notice addressed to the ICE CREAM FACTORY posted on the door and all the windows. But at least 10 times a day my door opens, and it's either one of the blue hair ladies (the same 2 or 3 pop in every week) or it's a young woman with like 15 inbread little snot nose brats in toe. I love kids but some women should not breed. Now keep in mind my front door says SCUBA on it. Last time I looked SCUBA does not look like ICE CREAM but hey I could be wrong on that. So the door opens at least 10 times a day and it's the same thing every time. First question...Oh this isn't the Ice Cream shop...Rolling eyes NO it's not the Ice Cream shop...Second question...Do you know if they are closed for good.

Okay Listen MORONS it says closed, there is an eviction notice..Fuckwads I think that means it's closed and closed for good. These women probably need to take scuba classes anyway and get some exercise, as their hips are jiggling more then their dangle earrings are from the over consumption of Ice Cream. But then see my other post for today I'd have to put up with the questions they'd be asking like to I have to inhale after I exhale.

Alright I'm going to go snort some compressed air and inhale some neoprene and get into my happy little zen world again.

Pondering Student Questions

We just got back from a lake trip taking a bunch of new open water diver students for their check out dives so they could become offical open water scuba divers. I love working with students which is why I myself am a student getting my certification for the first level of being a professional. But sometimes I have to scrach my head in bewilderment at some of the questions they ask, even after all the classroom and confined water training they've been through prior to going to large open water for diving.

One girl, as the instructor is expalining about doing a Controlled Emergency Swimming Acent, (this is where an out of air senerio is practiced where the diver must break for the surface if they are out of air and can not get to their buddy to share air) The Instructor explains that he will be holding onto the student so they don't surface to fast and injure themselves, that they are not to take the regulator (the part you breath with) out of their mouth in case they need to take a breath (as this is only a senerio), that the student is to take a deep breath, give the out of air sign and while exhaling all the way to the surface start swimming toward the surface, then once at the surface since you are out of air you must manually inflate your BCD (Buoyancy Control Device) so you will float at the surface. One young lady looks at the instructor and asks in total seriousiness, when we get to the surface and are able to breath should we inhale some air before trying to blow up our BCD???? Okay, maybe it's just me, but common sense is saying if you are exhaling al they way up you probably by law of breathing must inhale when you have no more air in your lungs. But hey...I could be wrong even through I always got straight A's in Science and Health.

Another good one, doing what is called a regulator recovery, this is practiced in case your regulator falls out of your mouth or is accidently kicked out because your wonderful husband loves to swim right in front of you and has a tendiancey to knock his fins into your mouth and dislodge your breathing device. (I know this is accidental cuz I don't have life insurance anymore.) So anyway the student is to take a deep breath on their regulator, take it our of their mouth and toss it behind their shoulder whilst blowing small bubbles (don't want any lung injuries from not breathing) and then recover the regulator, put it back in their mouth, clear it and begin breathing again. Well one guy argued non stop that he was going to have to take a breath once he's tossed the regulator over his shoulder, or else it will be impossible to do the skill. Hmmmmmm I'm thinking to myself and wondering if this guy is listening to what he is saying...one you have the once piece of equipment that allows you to breath underwater out of your mouth...you are in 30, 60 or 100 feet of water and you are insisting that at this point you need to inhale. Well Okay, but if you can breath I'm calling the national enquirer.

Well that's my thoughts for the day, if I get more silly questions I will post them, if you have any plese let me know.

Bodily Functions

What is is about bodily functions that so entrals us as a society. Especially the male counterparts in our society. Is it some sort of badge of honor to see how many innocent bystanders you can get to start making gagging retching noises as they in total ignorance are woofing down their big macs or slurping up their Starbucks coffee.

You can see it happening in these places. People innocently standing in line. Soon their noses begin to crinkle. A few brave souls look around trying to figure out where this green toxic cloud as arisen from. Small children are beginning to keel over from the lack of oxygen at their level, and you spy one couple. A large man, usually with a tee shirt reading "reformed trailor trash" on the front with a big sloppy grin on his face and his poor wife who with the 18 rug rats in tow is giving him a "I can't belive you've done this in public AGAIN" look. By the time you identify this couple the attack sirens have gone off and homeland security has been moblized thinking the McDonalds on Main street is under attack by a radical facist group. In the mean time the patrons of said McDonalds are all gagging, turning several alarming shades of purple, throwing up into Ronalds lap or just plain passing out. Lucky them that by shutting down their brains they no longer have the on-slaught of the attack of the killer fart.

During all the turmoil, you see the big guys sloppy grin turn toward his bewildered wife and he gets a very little child look upon his face and says in a very endaring tone "I farrrrted"
There is an understatement numb nuts. You have just made extinct every living small furry creature within a 5 mile radius and this area will never again be fertil for plants to grow. And the McDonalds will of course have to be demolished and one of those little radiation signs posted that this area is off limits for the next century and a half.

Finally, the family is released by the authorities to enter back into society, and Mr. Flatulance now has to invite all his buddies over to share in the days farting exploits, said buddies are all sitting around drinking beer and eating hard boiled eggs thinking this is the funniest thing in the world. However after 2 or 3 hours of this the beer and hard boiled eggs kick into the lower intestines and you can hear the rumblings start..then the dreaded sound, and prevading smell coming from the den...and thus it begins again.

Hark are those the attack sierns going off in the distance. Since this is the 4th time this week I'll put on a pot of coffee for the poor homeland security folks. It's gonna be another long night. At least this time the mob in the den didn't try to light said farts and get 2nd and 3rd degree burns from their asshole hair catching on fire. But alas that is a story for another day

Didn't end up Fish Bait

Back from the Live Aboard cruise. Went with Juliet Sailing and Diving...What an incrediable team on this 103 foot 4 masted sail boat. (The guys on the crew are hubba hubba as well for you single ladies)
The huricanes in the area had really stirred things up so the visiblity really sucked for ocean diving. One site was no more then 20 feet in what is usally 100+ feet of vis. But it was okay..the crew and captain really went out of their way trying to find good dive sites.

YESSSSSSSSSS got to dive with Sharks....Oh my GOD what an experience to acutally jump into the water and look down and there are already 4 or 5 Caribbian reef sharks circling under you. Manny and I dropped straight down into their midist. Got some great Photos..will post those a bit later. The first Shark was swimming straight at me. I was getting a little nervous. The finally at about 8 feet he veered off and went over my right shoulder. HOW AMAZING!!!! I LOVE SHARKS!!!

Was on another dive and this stupid scavanger fish called a Remora bit the SHIT out of my middle finger...I didn't know those little jerks could bite thought they just kind of sucked on to whatever fish they were hosting too...usually if you ignore them they will go away so I turned my back on this evil pair and was taking a photo of another fish and BAM bit on the finger. Little bastard drew blood too. I'm thinking I should be counting my blessing that I didn't get bit while on the shark dive. That little bit of blood could have been enough to have them all looking at me whilst putting on their white dinner napkins around their necks, pulling out a knife and fork in each fin giving me a big toothy grin and saying YUMMMMMM dinner is served.

I got some amazing shots of 4 different blue parrot fish. If anyone has ever tried to do this you will know how hard it is to get a good photo of this fish. And I was lucky enough to get like 4 different ones. Also got a great photo straight on of a queen angle fish. I LOVE my new camera my wonder hubby got me for my Birthday. He's a very good hubby

Okay if you all want any more of the Bahama's adventures just ask and I will post more.

Luckily there were no old meen preening around. Couple younger guys running around in speedos but they didn't have beer guts so it wasn't such a bad thing.

It's good to be home and not have ended up fish bait..Just a snack for that evil looking scavanger fish.