News and Thank you

Nothing witty today, I'm sorry I just don't have it in me.
News on mom isn't so great, she went into the hospital with accute renial failure, they are thinking that it's not going to be cronic as the kidney doc thinks it's all from infection. But yet she is very very sick.
She has cronic pain and has been on pain meds for a long time from different issues. The docs are now saying they can't get her out of the pain she is in as most of the pain meds will cause respitory failure, the ones they can give her that won't affect her breathing then screw up her kidneys. So we have to have a long talk about what she wants. She is very scared right now as are Burfica and I.
If you guys can just keep us in your prayers to whatever higher power you belive in that would be very appreciated.
No matter what happens I know there is a reason for it. And after decesions are made I'll let you know if she'll be going into a nursing home or into hospice care. The Doctors have told me that there is no way at all she can be cared for at home even if I quite my job and my business and my diving career and stayed at home with her full time that I can not care for her.
The social workers have told me that she will qualify for Texas medicade nursing home care so I can keep her close by.
sorry if I sound disjointed, I am. Again thank you all my new friends.
I love you all.
Alekx

How can one top that

>>>>>>>>>I'm thinking that everyone in out little blogger community may want to take a few days off becasue I have no idea how we can ever top the green breasties that Burfica blogged about yesterday. I just read that and realized OMFG this woman is related to me and EVERYONE knows it and she's talking about how she finger painted/eyeshowed her boobs green without even knowing it. Please don't hold it against me that she and I share the same parents. I'm almost thinking they were putting extra clorine in the gene pool when she jumped into it. hehehehehe

Okay on to other things............
Does anyone realize how much poop is created by 4 dogs, 3 cats and a handicapped mom...Let me tell you people weather you want to know it or not..that's a lotta shit floating around my backyard/catbox/toilets. I feel like all I do now is scrape up the back yard, clean out the kitty box (thank god for scoopable litter) and vacume and clean toilets. Now belive it or not I've been hoping that the 4 mutts would start the turd burgler thing so I didn't have so much poop to clean but everyone of those little bastards just look at the cat box like "we aren't allowed in there" However the retarded dog casper has deceided it's great fun to get into all the bathroom garbages and entice the other dogs into helping him spread whatever he finds through out the house. ICKY. Also one of my mom's dogs is having a bit of a issue adjusting so I have to go through the house cleaning up where she deceides my carpet is the outside lawn. Anyone want a little retarded dog. I'm gonna kill the little rat thing I swear. This has to be a test of my patience and damnit people I don't have any. Just ask anyone who knows me.

Okay I had something else quite witty to blog about then a store full of customers came in and I had to pretend like I was working so now being the senile old woman that I am it's totally slipped my little pea brain so I'll have to come back later with wit and wisdom for all ofyou waiting on me with baited breath.

So for now happy Friday

Back to work....

.......I really got nothing today that is of intrest. I hate to be so boring, but what can I say my life has become a big circle of mediocrity. You belive that don't you. What can I say. I looked in the mirror this morning and deceided I'm boring.

I think life in general is going to be intresting just for the fact that there are so many changes going on around my house and life, as well as in the house elf's life that it can't help but be intresting, or stressful, or both. You all say a prayer or 2 for me cuz I really need it.

So as for now there are frigging boxes EVERY f'ing where. I figured since Burf said that she packed all of my mom cloths to include the stuff she hasn't worn in like 5 or 10 years that we'd start there and get rid of a bunch of cloths and then I'd wash the rest (they all smell like cirgette smoke and nothing smells worse than stale smoke on cloths) well I guess mom is trying to hold on to as much of her past life as possible and wants to keep almost all the cloths so I did 14 count 'em people 14 loads of laundry yesterday and haven't even made a dent in the clothing shit. Gawd I really hate doing laundry. I need one of those mongo monster machines that you can do like 47 towels in at one time, but I understand you have to take out a 2nd mortage on the house to afford one of those machines and damnit if I take out a 2nd mortage on the current house it is going to be for a down payment on another house in Cozumel Mexico then I'll be stuck with 3 mortages..isn't that the American Way.

Did I mention that I have a great hubby. If I haven't mentioned that before HE ROCKS. The Man has been working his butt off to get things around the house set up and he's going to sit with mom today after work so I can go work with Students in the pool. Though he really wanted to go to the pool himself he said he thinks I need it and will stay with mom since she is going to be all alone tomorrow and tomorrow evening. (Fingers crossed that all that will work out okay)

I should have more intresting things to blog about tomorrow since a pool session is always pretty intresting. So maybe some fun scuba stories.
Sorry I'm so boring today, feel free to toss rotten produce at my head I deserve it.

Happy Tuesday all

I HATE CHICKEN.............

..........No not as in Flicken, though I think since Ms. Flicken did curse me with the dreaded packing and moving virus that she and I are going to have to square off in opposite corners and duke it out with gloves made of boxes and packing tape and bubble wrap. I can see it now...In the blue Corner dressed all in black neoprene with monster fins, it's the scuba diving jewelry lady...Allllllllleeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxx and in the Red corner, covered in very sexy white feathers and laying eggs as she walks down to her corner, the one the only CHICKEN FLLLLLLLIIIIIICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN.. But I digress...The results of this fight may be a later post on one of our blogs

I hate Chicken is my mothers new cry. Apprarently nobody at the nursing home knew how to make a diet for someone afflicted with gout and so she got chicken salad non stop for however many weeks she was in there. She's about to puke up chicken salad. So I have a very great threat when mom gets a little to big for her britches I'll tell her we are having chicken salad for dinner. So am I evil or what....

So it was a nice trip to AZ actually. I came a bit early and spent some time in Tucson with some friends of mine. I got to see several friends that I haven't seen in about 5 years. I also spent time with my bestest buddy the retired Military Policeman. I haven't done any serious shooting in quite a few years and had lost my defensive confidence with my weapon. So he took me out and we ran about 3 million rounds through my weapon doing a lot of target shooting first and then a bunch of combat training. Whooooooooo hoooooooooo.....I can shoot again. So look out people from now on when I tell you I have PMS and a loaded weapon you may want to run away very very fast.

So we are going to head off toward Texas tomorrow morning, Me, mom the two stupid dogs and her old kitty cat. This should be quite the adventure, someone please pray for me and my sanity. (Oh shut up I know I haven't had any sanity since you all have began reading my blog...That should tell you it's your fault I'm so weird and insane.)
Anyway I should be home late Friday, will do a jewelry show on Saturday, get a lot unpacked on Sunday and Monday around the dentist appt on Monday, so it might be Tuesday before I get a chance to post again. Miss you all and will be back as soon as I can.
I should have cell phone connection again by tomorrow (damn po-duck town I can't get a signal up here...grrrrrrrrrr) so if anyone wants to call and keep me awake...hint hint...Kitten and chicken. hehehehe

until I make it back
hugs

Mom on Ice....

Do not yell at me for the title of the blog today it was the house elf's idea.
He's quite pleased with himself that he was talking to Burfica on IM earlier and she told him that after taking care of our mom for 12 years she and Gigantor deserved a break. The house elf then informed Burfica he was going to clone mom and send her and exact copy of what we have in our house. I think I heard Burfica banging her head in a wall. (at least with her head it's a non vital organ) So in all his glory he's decided that the orginal mom will be called mom..and the duplicate sent to Burfica will be called mom-mom just to give Burf double the agony. So do I have a wonderful hubby or what you all. I'm just laughing my ass off and figuring that Burfica is calling the house elf something along the line of primordial ozzing puss filled butt pimples.

Okay this may be my last post for a week or so. As of this morning at 8am Arizona Time my mom is getting out of the rehab center. So I'm leaving Texas at about 4 am tomorrow morning. But hey we still have the rest of the day to have their minds changed. We only went through 6 different senerios yesterday with the damn rehab center. I figure I'll get to the rehab center ready to pack mom up and take her away and they will change their mind about the time we are ready to pull away. Asswipes better realize that TX and AZ are a right to carry state and I will indeed have a loaded weapon with me. I'll be going into this poor nursing home looking like Rambo on crack..."I'm taking my mom outta here your fart shits...so don't stand in my way." Thanks to Mel for sending me the M-16 and the CS gas...Whooooo hoooooo....
By the way Mel...my dad wants to know if you want to have an affair with him..he was a D.I. and thinks the way you were talking is sexy. hehehehe

So I've left a list of things for the house elf to do while I'm gone
1. Put up the handicap bars as soon as they arrive (in the shower and try to find one for the toilet)
2. Put up a shelf in the bathroom for mom to put some of her stuff on
3. Put up the new towel racks in the bathroom (Home interior and desgins be damned)
4. Move the cat tree so mom can actually get down the hall way
5. Clean the dog poop outta the back yard
6. Feed the animals
7. Try to have some fun

So I'm taking bets on what gets done. My money is on #7.
I'm hoping for at least #6 but hey it's only a week and my fat ass animals could use to lose a couple of lbs.
I'm thininking with 4 dogs coming into the household. My two and mom's two I'll be cleaning the yard up of dog poop on a daily basis. GAG and hell fire
Okay my adoring fans...Burfica will keep you posted on Crack Rambo and I'll try to post from her house at least one time.
You can all show me some love by e-mailing me over there at that e-mail me link>>>>>>
Or just leave kinky comments for me to laugh at when I get to a computer.
See you in a week
Wish me luck

I am going to.....

.......leap out of a damn basement window screaming all the way down to my bloody death...Well okay I'll acutally probably be screaming from the pulled muscle in my thigh from trying to jump up to the basement window in the attempt to fling myself out of it to a bloody death.

I'm just about to scream here people or to go postal, which isn't a good thing since I'm trained in multiple real bullet firing guns and stuff. Arughhhhhhhh
Okay here is the reason for my stress

1. Friday..I get a call from mom's rehab center. We are letting her out on Monday, so Burfica, Gigantor, house elf and I begin to make frantic plans for me to drive out to AZ to pick her up whilst Burf and Gigantor being the packing frenzy.
2. Saturday and Sunday Spend both days getting the house and bedrooms cleared out to move mom in see post about super giant and house elf and the excitement with them over the weekend.
3. Monday..Get a root canal, but things are still on track to go pick up mom. Get a tow hitch put on the Durango, got lost getting home from getting the tow hitch on and burnt 1/2 tank of gas getting unlost. Have secured some business things to do on the trip so I can write part of it off. Begin to reschedule my jewlery shows, and get F'd up on booze and pain meds.
4. Tuesday..Fight with U-haul making several complaints about the little po-duck town that Burfica and my mom live in.. (FUCKWADS ((that one was for you BM)))
5. Finally get the U-haul things squared away and start laundry, and preparing to change the oil in the durango and get it road trip worthy
6. Tuesday evening get a call from the rehab center saying mom has been at the hospital all day with chest pains and she has a staff infection so she won't be getting out anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks due to a mainline IV of antibiotics she has to have.
7. Bang head repeatedly into wall. Call my lodgings and business contacts and cancel, verfiy all jewlery shows for the week and breath a sigh of releif that we have a couple more weeks at least to prepare.
8. Wednesday...talk to the doctor at the rehab center who now says she's not sure if the IV mainline is needed. She has to look at some test results and look at the wounds with the wound nurse and if everything looks okay then mom will indeed get out on Monday, with just oral antibiotics.
9. Scream hysterically...bang phone into desk, breaking the phone, kick the wall, putting hole in wall and breaking toe...desperatly seaking loaded weapons and basement windows. thinking the whole bottle of quervo and the remaining pain pills are looking quite grand right now.

So on that note I won't know until later today weather I'm staying or leaving.
Somebody please shoot me now. Please...
Oh you all are so selfish...you'd miss reading my posts so you won't help put me outta my misery...
[Sigh]

Drugs and booze

.......hmmmmmmmm I love darvocet or any other pain medication for the matter. I usually have a very high threshold for pain and probably would have yesterday after the root canal was done (the doc was very good) but about 2:30 I got a little throb going, and I was sick to my stomach again yesterday. (SHUT UP Burfica, kitten and Chicken I am not pregnat) plus all the stress one can only think that hmmmmmmm here is a darvocet and there is a bottle of quervo gold. I bet I can have my own little party right here. Then do some stoned and drunk blogging how fun will that be!!!!

So I poppped the pain pill after swirling around the bottle of Tequilla (despite all my big talk people I really don't drink....I haven't had a drink in like 2 1/2 years since my gastric bypass surgery, as the sugar in alchol makes me sicker than a starving ethopian gorging on Krispy Kreame donughts (man am I gonna get bombarded for that comment or what) anyway I still have the memories from when I used to be a sexpot, tequillia drinking, harley riding woman) So anyway I popped the pain pill and let me tell you. What a F'ing lightweight I am in my old age...I went Tits up...I hit the bed at 3pm and do not recall a damn thing until 8:30 last night

I do remember having my drug induced body ravaged by Brad Pitt as some point, but alas I think it was the Rotweiller licking my toes trying to get me to get up and feed him.

[sigh]

So I got the tow hitch put on the Durango yesterday at a cost of 300 dollars. (Jesus that thing better be platium lined)
I was watching the news last night and it's going to snow on the exact route I need to take to get to AZ. What the Fuck is it with me going from Texas to Arizona and every single time it SNOWS!!!! We are talking Arizona, New Mexico and Texas, 3 of the warmest states in the union and every damn time I need to go to AZ it snows
Shit cookies

In a way I'm glad I will be traveling this weekend as the Super Giant and the House Elf are going to be putting up handicaped rails in the shower for my mom...After the ceiling fan fiasco I'm just glad I will be gone and don't have to listen to them. HOWEVER I bet you I get a call on my cell phone at some point along the lines of
Super Giant: Alekx the dipshit isn't listening to what I'm telling him to do
House Elf: The jerkwad won't do it the right way
SG: Fuckwad made me drill 14 holes in the shower wall
HE: Shit for brains did that himself, now there are holes all over the shower
ME: JUST GET THE SHIT DONE BEFORE I GET BACK OR I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!!!!

I'm so looking forward to my cell phone ringing over the weekend I'm gone.

[Lord just let me surive this move]

By the way after all the drug induced sleep I got I feel ever so much better. The stress level is down, the pain level is down and my tummy isn't doing the rumbly grumblies anymore.